I See You

Our world is in dire need of one thing.  Yes, we need rain.  We need peace.  We need a strong and stable economy.  Yet, there is one crucial thing we really need.  We need compassion.  However, in the busy,  performance driven world we live in there is very little place or time for compassion. We all rush from appointment to appointment, deadline to deadline. We have very little time for small talk.  In the work environment our focus is on achievement, productivity and profits and very little on real human connection.  This mindset spills over into our daily lives as well.  We have very little time for people outside of our immediate family circle.  We are more and more becoming strangers to the people around us.  We see people mostly as potential clients or customers, we evaluate them according to their potential usefulness in our lives.  We seldom see the person for who he or she really is.  We see their outward appearance and according to that we judge them, and then we either utilize them or discard them.

The result of this is that although we are becoming more productive and efficient, we in reality become poorer.  We are losing the human element in our lives.  More and more we are closing ourselves up in a cocoon, unconnected to the outside world, and to other humans.  With all the problems we face in our societies, the crime statistics we read about or even experience, we are welcoming our little cocoon.  We have become fearful of not only strangers, but even people moving outside of our little circle.  We shy away from making contact with others in fear of becoming involved, fearing for the demands they may make on our time, our resources or emotions.  We look at people, but we avoid connecting with them.  We avoid really seeing them, because seeing them opens the way for our hearts to start connecting with them.

When I start to see, I begin to realize that the person standing in front of me also have dreams and fears just like me.  He has worries and hopes just like me.  She is a mother just like me.  He or she is old just like I might be one day.  She is sad or happy, excited or anxious just like I am sometimes.  They bleed just like me. There is no difference.  We are alike in every way that matters.  When we really see into the hearts of people, we become compassionate and we start to care.  Our beings connect across the chasm of social differences and the barriers of race.  It is in that moment that all of life's trivial issues become moot.  It is in that moment that my soul reaches out to the person in front of me and our hearts really touch, we become one.  As one we are so much stronger.  Mothers that are united can unite their children, can unite a nation.  If we can see and connect with the plight we see in other people we can build bridges across any divide be it cultural, social or racial.  

It all starts with me.  I have to open my eyes and really really see you, connect with you and feel the beat of your heart.

You Are Wonderful

How wonderful it is: the blessing of a brand new day, a brand new week.  I want to start off today's blog to wish each and every one of you a wonderful week filled with an abundance of blessings!

We have had a wonderful week-end with my younger daughter being home, the first time in quite a while.  She and her dad sat singing together till late in the evening.  During this session we were sharing what were some of our favourite songs.  She mentioned that she loved the song "Just As I Am".  This of course got me thinking about "Acceptance".  Acceptance is something most of us crave.  We need it.  In fact it is very high on our Basic Needs list.  We all want to feel that we are accepted for who we are.  We want to be loved and liked for who we are without any pretense or frills and accessories added.  We need to be loved unconditionally, warts and all.  Being accepted gives us a feeling of security and a sense of belonging.  We look for this acceptance wherever we go, from people we encounter and especially from those people we share our lives with. 

 However, the one person we really need acceptance from is the one that stubbornly withholds it from us.  That person is my own self, my inner critic, my worst enemy.  Instead of acceptance we constantly badger ourselves with disapproval and we criticize ourselves.  We reproach ourselves for who we are and constantly set ourselves up for failure by our own self-doubt.  We continuously sit in judgement of ourselves.  We claim that we accept others, but the reality is that as long as we do not accept ourselves we can hardly begin to accept others.

Everything begins firstly with ourselves.  To be kind to others we have to first learn to be kind to ourselves.  Kindness leads to acceptance and acceptance leads to love and tolerance.  I owe it to myself to accept myself for who I am and to value my uniqueness.  I have to give myself credit for my talents and abilities and I must learn to celebrate the person I am.  Acceptance is the key to self-love and self-worth.  When I accept myself just for who I am it leads me finally to the most elusive and most sought after gift of all - peace.

 Once I accept myself I will live in peace with myself and also with others.

Today, before you go out into the world, look at yourself, reach out to yourself and accept yourself, you have been wonderfully and beautifully created.

Be Blessed!

Things - A Poem

 Today I would like to share a poem I have written for my husband:

Things

We all have things.
Beautiful things, big things.
Things that have meaning,
some that gather nothing but dust.
My house is filled with them.
I need them not.
Their value is found only
in their connection to you.

Some crave gold,
but just leave me your pillow,
privy to all your dreams,
Many work for luxury,
but I want your shirt, holding
the scent of your heartbeat.
Give me the guitar, the heat of your
fingertips imprinted on the strings,
that spoon, the one you chose, carefully.

I want to weave your voice
into my hair, etch your laughter
onto my face,into every wrinkle,
I want to stitch the warmth
of your touch to my clothes,
tattoo every breath of you
all over my hands, my lips.

These things will be enough,
I want to travel light,
so I can quickly follow were you
to journey beyond here first,
so do not labour to fill our house
with stuff and many things,
just teach me the melody
you'll whistle guiding me to you.

© Charmaine Fourie   

Clearly Visible

We are in the 10th month of the year!  Unbelievable.  It really feels like the beginning of the year was just last week!!!  I was shocked to see that in some shops the sales assistants were busy unpacking the tinsel in preparation for the Christmas season.  It is as if the year is on a downward roller-coaster!  I want to shout at the ride-operator to stop, I want to get off and catch my breath.

 Over the week-end I took an overview of the past year and with a shock I realized that I had better get a move on, there are many things I still have to do this year, some goals I have not gotten around to.  I am sure many of you are in this same situation.  At the beginning of the year we are all fired up and ready to get going.  We make To-Do lists, Goals-For-The-Year lists, Wish Lists and many more lists and we are eager to make this the year of change.  Yet when we get to the end of the year, or in this case, the tenth month, we wonder how it happened that the year passed without us achieving our goals.  I believe the answer is probably as easy a little five-letter word: FOCUS.

At the beginning of the year, with 365(6) days stretched out in front of us like a blank canvas, it is easy to focus on what we would like to achieve, and to close in on some goals for the year.  There are little or few distractions, and our mind are clear and focused, but as the year progresses with all its pressures and distractions it is easy to lose our vision and we get pulled into a dozen directions all at once.  

With all the demands which daily life makes on our time and energy it is important that we keep our eyes on our goals and maintain our focus.  In order to do this, keep the following in mind:

F : First

...select 3 important goals or tasks you want to accomplish for the year, and do the same for each day/ week.  It is often a good idea to select these things from different areas of your life for example Work, Personal, Chores or Studies, Health and Spiritual.

O : Only You 

...can set these goals.  They have to be important to YOU, not somebody else.  You are the only one who can keep yourself motivated.  Do not set these goals to impress or please anybody else.  That would be a sure way to set yourself up for failure.

C : Commit to Completing 

...the tasks/ goals you have set for yourself.  Write them down where they will be visible to you, and will serve as a daily reminder.  Make a pact with yourself that you will not give up on these goals until you have completed them.  Set yourself a time frame within which you must complete the task or goal.

U : Use your time wisely.  

Chain the procrastination monkey up where he cannot interfere with your time.  Stick religiously to your schedule, and get your goals for the day done at the very start of your day.  Do not get side-tracked by anything else until you have completed your 3 selected tasks/ goals for the day.  When they are done, reward yourself with something you like, a cup of coffee, a ten-minute chat to a friend or a quick dive in the pool.

S : Stick-to-It-Ness.  

Develop a mindset of single-mindedness.  Keep your attention on your goals and set clear, realistic and achievable goals with clear directions of how to achieve them. Stick to them and don't ever give up on your goals or your dreams.

It is so easy to get distracted, but maybe if we constantly remind ourselves what "focus" stands for it may help us to achieve our goals one day at a time.  Now I am going to put my money where my mouth is and follow my own advice!

If you have any thoughts on the matter why not share them with us in the comment box, I would LOVE to hear from you!

Flying in the Shadow

In many cultures butterflies are thought of as being

the souls of the people who have passed on.  To me butterflies are magical and entrancing, they represent so many things - thoughts, hope, rebirth, transformation, words, memories, etc.   

Butterflies always seem to follow me around.  Ever since I can remember I have been fascinated by them, and many people have associated butterflies with me in some sense or another.  In my thoughts I carry many butterflies with me, the butterfly memory of my mother, my father, a few dear friends.  They flutter eternally through my recollections.  Sometimes they feel so close that I am sure if I turn fast enough I will catch them where they are hiding in my shadow.

I often talk about my parents to my children who never had the privilege to know them, I share anecdotes from their lives with my friends and try to implement what they taught me in every part of my life.  It is my way to acknowledge their existence, to celebrate the people they were.  It is a way to ensure their footprints on this earth are never lost, I am a witness of their lives.  In fact I am pretty sure that their memory will even be passed on to my children's children.

I think this is what we owe the ones we've loved, to speak their names and tell their stories, not because they were kings or queens, anybody famous or infamous, but because they are forever a part of our existence.  They are interwoven in the pattern of life, as inseparable from us as our own shadows.  Our thoughts give those who have left this earth wings to fly once more for a moment alongside us, to briefly comfort us hovering just within our shadow,   Only in darkness is it possible to loose one's shadow. 

Everyone of them have left their footprints in our lives and souls and we are blessed for having known them, my children are blessed by learning about their grandparents from me.  We do not honour them by placing flowers on a grave, or flipping through a photo album, but every time we smile at a memory of them.

What Babies Teach Us

The arrival of a baby is cause for a major celebration for most families.  Babies seem to turn even cynical, life-hardened adults into cooing, face-pulling and blabbering beings, all just to illicit a smile from a sleepy infant.  Babies instantly change the dynamics of a family and reinvent the established routine of most households.  The content of conversations also change to the extent that we ask ourselves what on earth we spoke about BB (before baby)?

The majority of parents are totally wrapped up in the care of their little miracle, and they are eager to teach their children everything they need to know. Yet having a new born in our family, and not being the primary care-giver has given me the opportunity to observe my delightful granddaughter and I was suddenly struct by this truth:  this little bundle is already adding value to our lives just by being here, dozing off in a little bubble of bliss,  With her every breath she is teaching us about life and living.  Observing her, she taught me a few things and I would like to share them with you:

1. We need people

We as adults like to think of ourselves as independent and self-relying individuals.  We like to believe we know all the answers, and we seldom if ever like to ask for help or guidance.  We want to do everything ourselves.  Asking for help or advice implies weakness.  But babies instinctively know they need help, and they accept it without it affecting their self-esteem.  In fact they can get quite vocal when they need assistance.  Babies know that we need other people in order to survive.  We need to connect to other people, in fact our wiring is such that we can cope better in most situations if we can share our thoughts, ideas, worries or problems with somebody else.

2. Just the basics

Babies are satisfied and happy little creatures when their basic needs are met.  Their basic needs are love, sustenance, comfort and safety.  They flourish when their simplest needs are met.  They do not need things, they need to be cradled in the loving arms of their parents and they need their attention.  They do not need expensive dinners, meals in fancy restaurants or gourmet food, no they just need milk to fill their tummies and help them grow.  They do not need a palace or a room filled with all the luxuries money can buy, they just need a place filled with love and a warm cozy bed and as for safety, where better than in your mommy's arms, holding you safe and the monsters at bay.  No baby has ever demanded to be driven around in a luxury car or to sleep in a five star residence waited on by a dozen servants.

3. Unconditional

Babies are unconditional beings.  They do not care who their parents are.  They are not impressed by the title of CEO, Doctor or Professor.  They do not care whether their parents are the prettiest, the richest or the most clever people.  They do not care whether we walk around in PJ's and slippers or wear Prada.  They love us and smile at us regardless of who we are.  We are their hero's and their people and they look at us with total adoration.

4. Free to be themselves

Babies never pretend to be who they are not (except for role-playing i.e. pretending to be a tortoise for a whole day).  They are completely themselves.  They are not afraid to chuckle with total abandon or cry when they are unhappy.  They sleep whenever they want to without caring whether they snore or drool.  They are not scared to be vocal or excited, and they could not care less if other people like them or not, they are quite comfortable with whom they are.

5. Never give up

Have you ever seen a baby who has tried to lift up his head when he is doing tummy time, but then his head flops back down?  Have you seen that baby then refuse to ever try that again?  No, you did not.  Babies try and fail, but then try again until they get it right.  Babies never give up, even when they fall and bruise their knees, or knock their heads they get up and try it again.  Babies persevere, they have this inherent believe that they will succeed.  The option of quitting never enters their minds.

6. A inquisitive mind

Babies are ready and eager to learn.  They observe everything around them with wide open eyes, drinking in every little detail.  They touch and taste everything they can get hold of.  Just watch those little fingers reach out for a piece of fluff, their whole being is focused on reaching it and examining it.  Even the smallest thing draws their attention and they marvel at the wonder of it.  They do not merely notice the new toy, they also notice the box, the wrapping and that fascinating piece of cello-tape.  Oh, how amazing that piece of sticky plastic is!  Through the eyes of children we have an opportunity to re-discover the wonders of life!

7. Trust and have Faith

Babies do not worry.  They do not fret or get stomach ulcers from stress.  They trust that those strange sleep-deprived cooing humans will take care of them, will look after them and provide for them.  They have full confidence that their parents and any other significant adult are totally reliable and have their best interest at heart.   They have faith that everything will be as it should be.  They open themselves up with no fear of being hurt, rejected or neglected.  They believe in the goodness of people and take the truth at face value.  They never doubt for one minute the words of their parents.  They understand the key concept of faith.

How blessed I am to have such a tiny little tutor reminding me once again about the core principles of life.  It is amazing what the effect of living out these seven basic rules has on our lives.  When we refocus on the things that are truly important all the other nonsense and baggage we tend to hold onto just fades away.  Let us heed the lessons these tiny humans teach us.

Approved by God

Having recently become a granny I am once again filled with awe.  New borns are the most precious gift to humans.  Through their eyes we have the opportunity to view life with renewed wonder and delight.  It is just amazing how open and receptive they are.  They have no pre-conceived ideas about the world, the people around them or themselves.  They are positive and enthusiastic about life, firmly expecting the good.  Their lives and thought are a perfectly clean slate. 

Yet sadly, too soon, the world and its ideas start to write something else on their clean canvasses.  The baby who chuckled with abandon starts looking for approval from his parents.  The toddler who ran eagerly with wobbly knees to any stranger, starts hiding behind his mommy's legs and the three year old who sang nursery rhymes delightfully off-key now only lip-syncs in the Sunday School choir.

It happens just about to all of us.  We stop trusting our own authentic voice and start to believe the whispers of the world.  We start to crave the approval of others.  Even the voices of our own parents are drowned out by the noise of the world.  Our ears become finely tuned to the frequency of criticism and judgement.  Other people's opinion and assessment of us starts to weigh heavier than that of the people who love us and our self-esteem takes a serious knock.  We forget who and what we really are and we completely disregard the fact that we have been created by a Creator who does not make mistakes.  We have been created perfectly and uniquely, we already have the seal of approval from our Creator, yet we desperately seek the approval of others.

The world is so quick to pass out labels.  We easily attach a tag of "Failure", "Neurotic", "Useless", "Worthless" or such to others as well as to ourselves.  We end up believing these labels and it starts becoming our dominant thoughts and these thoughts start ruling, or worse ruining, our lives.  We become slaves of other peoples', as well as our own, opinions of us.

The following quote is attributed to Buddha:  

"We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves."
This is so true.  The thoughts which constantly go around in our minds are the ones that are like the regular footsteps making a pathway through a field.  With every thought it becomes engraved on our psyche, and it shapes our behaviour.  We have to stop this negative thought pattern and we do that by starting to believe what the Lord says to us about us.  People seldom truly want to see us prosper or achieve great heights.  They can cope better with us when we are on a level where we are their equal or even less.  Therefore do not allow anyone to limit you or define who you are.  Accept only God's opinion of you.

If you take anything away from today, let it be this: stop seeking the approval of others, rip off the labels, you already carry the Lord's stamp of approval.

Spring is Here!

Today is a beautiful day! It is officially the first day of Spring. It is the perfect Spring day with blue skies and bright sunshine and just a gentle breeze stirring the fresh green leaves and tender blossoms.  What a blessing, what joy!

I love mornings.  Everything is new, fresh and delightful.  I love waking up to the chatter of the birds just outside our bedroom window.  I always listen to them and invent dialogue for them.  My cat also loves listening to them and then she chats back to them in her voice she reserves just for the birds!  I also imagine what her dialogue is and it usually bodes nothing good for the unsuspecting little birds.

Every morning to me is like receiving a gift.  It is all beautifully wrapped up in blue skies,tied up with early morning sunlight and decorated with butterflies. Very soppy and sentimental, I know, but that is really how I feel about early mornings.  Some days the wrapping is a bit gloomy, but still I look forward to unwrapping this mysterious, enticing and gracious gift.

This gift, however, is very different from all other gifts.  Usually the gift we receive is just what it is - a pretty little soap, exquisite jewelry or maybe a beautiful book.  Sometimes it is something we always wanted, but at other times it might be something we already have.  This early morning gift though is a very unique gift.  It is what I decide to make out of it.  If I look for beauty in my day, that is what I will find in my gift, but if I look for the ugly in today, the angry and hateful, that, too, is what I will get from the gift.  What I decide to do with this gift of today is determined by what happens in my heart and in my thoughts, it gives shape to my day and ultimately my life.

We all receive this gift, but what we do with it, what we make out of it, remains a personal choice.  Yes, sometimes we wake up, and we realize that our gift will never be entirely the same again, as life and circumstances have maybe attached a label or two to my gift.  Maybe it is a label of sadness, or regret.  Maybe the gift tag reads "Change", yet I still have a choice about what I am going to do with this brand new day.  Will I celebrate it or waste it, will I use it for good or squander it on insignificant things, because there seems to be an endless supply of it?

Something else about this gift that is different from normal gifts is that where most gifts we can keep and enjoy still for a long time to come, this gift just belongs to today, to now.  I cannot save it for tomorrow, and I if I drag yesterday into it, I spoil it with bitterness, blame or regret.  It has an expiry time.

Graciously God grants us each day another opportunity, another wonderful gift.  It is so sad that in our youth we have little value for this gift, and so easily trade it for nonsense, filling the hours with unnecessary baggage. Fortunately, as we grow "wiser ", so our appreciation also increases and we start to treasure this gift of now and we cram it with everything that is worthwhile and good.

My wish for you is that  you will every morning unwrap this gift with joy and embrace your new today with wide open arms and live it!!

Have a joyful Spring!

If you flutter by here please feel free to comment.  I would love to hear from you.

Pause A Moment

The last day of August, the final day of Woman's Month.  Today is also officially, in the Southern Hemisphere at least, the last day of Winter.  I can feel my soul pushing against the cocoon and yearning to feel the sun on its wings.  But just before leaving this cocoon, maybe it is a good time to look back and reflect on this past month, and also the year so far.  Most of us are so focused on today and the future that we sometimes lose sight of how far we have come.  After all, every journey has a beginning, and if we never reflect on where we have started how can we judge how far we still have to go.  We need yesterday as a reference, to heed the lessons learned and to make better choices for the journey ahead.  We need to look back on our footsteps, to see where we have walked and if it is inline with our destination.

Socrates said that "the unexamined life is not worth living."  It is important to take stock of our lives, to reflect again on our dreams and accomplishments in order to know how to proceed and how to continue our journey.  Reflection is important in order to determine if we are still on the path we set out to travel, or to realign ourselves with our goals.

I have come up with a five part checklist for reflecting on the past.  I call it "The 5 P's to move from Past to Present".

1. First of all, reflect on your "Passion".  Our passions lie at the very core of our existence.  It is part of our spirit's axle.  It is interesting to note that the word passion has its origins in Latin from the  past participle stem  pati meaning  "to suffer, endure,"  Our passions are those things we feel strongly about.  We are so ardent about them that we will even be prepared to endure hardship in order to follow our passions.  Very often our passions are driven by events we went through in the past.   A child who saw a parent suffer from emphysema may be fanatical about launching an anti-tobacco campaign or a person confronted with domestic violence as a child may establish a shelter for abused women and children.  Their past drives their passions.  What is your passion?  What is it that excites you?  Is the path you are following in line with your passions?

2. Secondly, consider your "Purpose".  Our passion gives birth to our purpose.  Our live's purpose is born from that which inspires us, and our talents nurture our purpose, shape it and guide it.  I need to ask myself what is it that I can do that will add value to my life, but also to the lives of others.  What is it that truly makes me happy.  How can my life through the driving force of my passion and the use of my talents be of service to others, to my family and my community.  It is the answer to this that reveals our life's purpose.  

3. Next, look at your "Physical" condition, reflect on your health, your fitness and your emotional well-being.  In order to live out our passion and follow our purpose we need to be in the best shape possible for our own physical limitations.  You do not have to be Miss or Mr World to  follow your passion, but you need to take good care of your body.  A healthy body gives rise to a healthy mind, and it impacts on our happiness.  A feeling of happiness energizes us, and we are able to give so much more of ourselves to a starving world.  If you find that you are out of shape, suffer from unhealthy eating habits and are feeling depressed, now is the time to do something about it.  Join the gym, get sound nutritional advice and seek professional help for your depression.  Of course, following our dreams and pursuing our life's purpose is a great way to prevent or even cure depression, but even people who live out their passions to the fullest can have health or mental issues.  Thus it is important to regularly take stock of your physical well-being.

4. The fourth P which we have to reflect upon is "Place".  Where do you find yourself?  What are the circumstances surrounding you and are you in the right place to live out your passion and pursue your purpose?  What position do you fill in your family and your community.  We are all affected by milieu within which we exist. We are in constant interaction with our surroundings as well as the people within our circle of influence.  When reflecting on our surroundings and the people we encounter we have to ask ourselves what impact we have on our community, and how can we contribute positively to the lives of others?  How can I use my passion to make it a better place for myself, my family and my community? 

5.  As we reflect on all these things it is a good time to also reflect on the "Plan"I have had for my life thus far.  Has my plan been working according to my passion and purpose?  Has it helped me to pursue my dreams?  What changes do I need to make to my plan in order to bring me closer to my life's purpose?  What is my vision for the future and will following the same plan as yesterday bring me closer to my goal, or is it time for a change?

Reflecting on the past is the best way to gain insight about what you have achieved and what areas in your life you have to work at.  It provides us with the opportunity to make better choices in the future and apply the lessons we have learned.

Reflect on the past, retain what is necessary and resume your journey.