Like a Tree

 Love.  At some time we are all afflicted by this emotion.  When we are little we are convinced that we will never love or marry anybody.  We are just going to stay at home with our parents forever and ever.  But then, we all start dreaming of the fairytale story of eternal blissful heart-palpitating love, or as the owl in Bambi said "almost everybody gets twitterpated".  

Yes, we grow up and we fall in love with the idea of idyllic love.  The fairytale hype of "living happily ever after".  The truth be told, as my sister, enlightened me, when the fairytale ends with "and they lived happily ever after", that is when real life starts.

Every year when Arbour Day comes around, most of us have the desire to plant a tree that would one day provide us with fruit and shade, so we buy a sapling, and with much ado and care we plant it in our garden.  We can already imagine the beautiful tree it is going to be.  For the first few weeks we ardently take care of it, we nurture it and we make sure it gets the correct amount of water and food, but over time we start to take its growth for granted.  Slowly the sapling grows into a tree, but along the way it picks up scars, drought stunts its growth, winds bend and twist the young branches.  Sometimes this tree withers and dies, or gets chopped down.  However, a loving gardener, will tend to this tree and protect it against the elements and prune it carefully.

Love is like this tree.  When we fall in love we have such high ideals and dreams, but life and time can wreak havoc with this tender tree.  The storms of life can rip its branches off, the sun can scorch its leaves.  The winter frost can destroy its fruit.  Insects can burrow into its core and eat away at its life.  We, as the gardeners tending this tree, must be vigilant and take care of this tree.  We must see to its needs, water it correctly, treat any diseases it might pick up or pests setting out to destroy it.  We have to gently shape it into the way we want it to grow.  All this takes care and effort.  It is a long term investment.  We can't possibly hope to plant a tree today and in a year hope to enjoy the spread of its leaves.  However, when we tend to it year in and year out, we will eventually sit in its shade, and not only us, but our grandchildren and their children as well.  It will be a legacy long after we have passed.  Such is love and marriage.  When we take care of it, it grows into a beautiful tree, providing lush shade and delicious fruit, even if the bark bears the wounds of the elements and the hardships of the seasons.

When I look back, I also see the girl I was with stars in my eyes.  Yet today I see a woman, and I am glad that my love and I can shelter in the shade of our love tree.  Its branches might be slightly bend and twisted, and there are scars in its bark, but it was worth tending to it.  Now we can enjoy the stillness beneath its cool canopy.

Take Time To Care

I cannot begin to count the times that I have heard people utter the following sentiment this year "These days, life is difficult" or a variation "Times are tough".  Yes, I think it is true, in fact, I know it is true.  All we have to do is open a newspaper and we can see that the world is in turmoil.  We switch on the television and we are bombarded by reports about war, unrest, earthquakes, stock market crashes, starvation, animal slaughter, human trafficking, global poverty and human suffering.  Prices of food, fuel, power, health and education is escalating at an alarming rate.  The future seems bleak.

Yet, these times are no different from past times.  History tells us the stories of war, famine, disaster and human misery, and the future will be no different.  Times have always been hard, every generation has had its share, and hard times will always be with us.  Then what IS different about these present hard times?  The answer is this: you and I are here right now, and WE can make a difference.  I think that is what life is all about, that is why you, why I, have been created - to make a difference.

Now most people reading here will think that to make a difference we have to do something major like instituting world peace or finding a cure for AIDS, developing new technology or invent something astounding.  People often think that in order to make a difference they have to be someone important, somebody highly qualified, maybe a politician, a professor or a doctor.  This is a fallacy.  To believe this is to sit back and wait for somebody else to try to make a difference and then be ready to point fingers when they fail to do so.

The responsibility rest on every individual's shoulders to make a difference right where we are.  Right there in my smallest circle of influence.  No, it is NOT your family; it is YOU.  You have to change the way you think about your role in life, your task.  You have to change the way you react to things about you, you have to stop thinking about making a change, and start doing!  Everything you or I do or don't do has a major impact on the world around us.  You/ I have to be the difference you/I want to see in the world (quoting the great Gandhi).

"How?" I hear you ask.  Simple, just by taking the time to care.  We rush around every day trying to fit as much as possible into a day that we simply have no time left to really, genuinely care.  We are too tired to care.  We have no energy left to empathize or to have compassion.  "But I do care" you cry out.  You care about the misery you hear about and you pity the homeless and the sick.  I have news for you; even the most selfish person has a spare thought of pity floating about.  You see there is a difference between pity and compassion.  Pity is a feeling, an emotion.  Pity, is to feel sorry for someone or something, but compassion is a verb and it is a motivation.  It stirs us beyond feeling sorry into taking action.  Compassion is to reach out to someone and to do something to bring about change.  When we start to identify with someone we become compassionate.  We stop standing in judgement and start giving them a break, we look for and find the good in them.  We start to relate to their story and we no longer pity them, but care about them.  The Dalai Lama is quoted as saying that without compassion, humanity cannot survive.  Compassion is as essential to mankind (and nature) as the air that we breathe.

However, before we start dishing compassion out by the bucket full, let us ask ourselves where does it all begin?  In Gaza, Somalia or Iraq?  The victimized in the DRC, the homeless or the AIDS orphans?  The beggar on my street corner or my deaf and blind grandmother?  No, first of all it starts with me!  Before I can give compassion to others I have to give it to myself.  Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself and believe in yourself.  When we have compassion for ourselves, we can reach out to others with that same compassion.  We can take their hands and together we can make these difficult times, this tough year, this hard life easier and happier.  We can help each other colour the future in just a little brighter.  Through caring we can transform our lives, the lives of others and ultimately the world.

Give Your Love Wings!

With Spring in the air it is as if everyone is filled with a new zest for life.  We are eager to get outside and tend our gardens, start new projects and revamp our homes.  Yet, we sometimes forget all about romance.  Yes, you heard right, romance!  When we are new to a relationship or just married, romance comes so easily, however, soon the everyday chores and running around covering all the bases, nudges romance off to the side and soon out of the door!

However, all is not lost, and with a little bit of imagination and effort we can rekindle those days of romance and roses when we felt giddy with love.  Here are 5 ways to light those fires anew!

1. Each day for the next month, write down a reason why you love your partner.  Put it in his/her lunch box or briefcase or jacket pocket where your partner is sure to find it.

2. Find an old photo of the two of you taken during those first days of being in love, enlarge it, photocopy it and have it laminated.  Use them as placemats for the dinner table.  It will be a constant reminder of the love you share.

3. After supper, when the kids are safely tucked up in bed, go for a moonlit stroll outside in your garden.

4. Once a week turn off the TV, the computers, all the phones, then light some candles and listen to all your old favourite music.

5. Say no to that quick peck on the cheek when you both go your seperate ways for the day.  Instead, make that kiss count.  The thought of it is sure to have him/her thinking about you all day long!

Try these few suggestions and any other wonderful ideas you may come up with for a month and you might just be pleasantly surprised by a renewed feeling of the old familiar "butterflies-in-the-tummy" in-love feeling!!  Come on, give your love wings....

If you flutter by please share with us any of your ideas how to put the romance back into a relationship.  I would love to hear from you!!

A Beautiful Day

Today was a beautiful day, not too hot for January, and as we travelled we marvelled at the green fields, the flocks of lambs playing happily in the light breeze.  Unfortunately there was not a single cosmos flower to be seen next to the road.  Their season is past.   How you loved their pink, purple and white blooms dancing all along the road wherever we travelled. 
As we travelled along today, I turned my eyes up at the blue skies, the same colour as your eyes, and the fluffy clouds gathering on the horizon.  How I wish I could just once more look in your eyes, the way they crinkled at the corners.  How I wish I could just once more put my hand in yours and know you love me.
But I have your legacy written in my heart and your words of wisdom still echo in my memories.  Everyday I share these with my daughters, passing them on and hoping they'll one day pass them on too.
If I had but one word to describe you, what would it be?  Kind, gentle, loving, giving?  Selfless, generous, loyal?  One word could never do it, you were all of these and so much more.  You taught me to pray, to believe when faith seemed impossible.  You showed me how to love my children, treasure my husband, cope with unfairness and to be silent when words would only hurt.  You taught me to start each day with a smile and to wake my children with the sound of laughter.  Your life testified of putting others before your own needs. 
So many years have passed since I saw you last, yet I miss you still.  I often find myself telling you about your grandchildren, and think of how proud you would have been of each one of them.  I wish I could have been the daughter then that I am today, maybe you would have smiled more often when you heard my name.  Strange how having my own children has taught me to understand the depth of your love for me.  Now it is so easy to see that every word was said to teach, guide and protect me. Your selflessness puts me to shame everyday, your example is a tough act to follow.

Yes, today was a beautiful day.  It was your birthday. I hope you had a nice day in heaven, I hope you danced with butterflies in your hair, I hope you know how much we love you, and that our every thought of you would paint some cosmos in the sky.....

Happy Birthday, Mamma.

If you flutter by here and want to share some thoughts about your mom, please feel free to do so by clicking on "no comment" or "1 comment" and follow the prompts.