A Woman of Worth

As August is Woman's Month I thought it fitting to look at some life lessons we can learn from women who have been a great inspiration for countless of women the world over.  One of the most amazing women in the world was certainly Mother Theresa.

She was born on the 26th of August in 1910.  She was a nun who devoted her entire live to the helping of the poor and the sick.  This selfless and humble women touched and changed countless people's lives.

Here are eight of the most valuable lessons she has taught us.

1. “What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.” 

This question is a favourite one asked by almost every Miss World or Miss Universe television host when interviewing the contestants.  The answers are often elaborate in order to promote the contestants brilliant mind, yet this woman of such diminutive stature comes with a simple answer: go home and love your family.  How profound this is.  We can forget to ever attain world peace if our families are in distress.  Peace begins at home by loving on another, by accepting and nurturing each member of our families.  When we as a family is at peace with one another, we can reach out to others with love and peace.

2.“Peace begins with a smile..”  “Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” 

Smile. This little facial feature can cross the divide between different religions, races and cultures.  It can change the hearts of people.  It can bring comfort to the sad and lonely.  It can lift the spirits of a weary heart and it can unite people.  A smile is never passive, it is good thoughts put in action.  If you can get your enemy to smile, you have found an open window into his heart (my quote, hehe).

3. “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” 

All of us wish that we could change the world, but most of us feel that it is useless to even try as we feel that our voice means nothing against the roar of the mighty ocean.  Yet Mother Theresa encourage us to be that little pebble that can ripple across my life's pond.  I can make a difference in my little circle of influence and if enough people toss their pebbles in the pond, we can together become a mighty wave of change.

4. “Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.” 

We have just had elections in our country.  Most people vote because they would like to see change.  Most of us feel that we have done our bit for democracy, for change and good government.  Now we sit back and wait for the leaders to take charge and make things happen.  The sad truth is that nothing much will happen or change if we do not take charge.  We cannot wait for others to affect the change we want if we ourselves do not take responsibility and become the change we want to see in the world.  We have to do it one step at a time right there, first of all in our own circle.

5. “The trees, the flowers, the plants grow in silence. The stars, the sun, the moon move in silence. Silence gives us a new perspective.” 

We, especially us as women, have so much to say.  We love hearing our own voice, we love talking.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Talking is sharing, ans getting to know one another.  However, sometimes it is good to be silent.  Silence improves our ability to listen.  It is in the silence where we can hear God speak, we can hear the whispers of our soul and we can hear the anguish in somebody else's heart.  Spend at least ten minutes a day in silence.  Be quiet and listen.  Psalm 46:16 call us to be silent and know that God is the Lord.

6.  “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

This is so true.  Love and judgement never share the same seat.  We cannot profess to love someone, but at the same time sit in judgement over them.  To love somebody means to accept them warts and all.  We cannot be selective about which part of them we love and which part we hate.  It is important to take note of the fact that there is a difference between judgement and discernment.  Discernment comes down to the ability to differentiate between what is right and what is wrong, but I do not judge people for the choices which they make.  Accepting people and respecting the choices they make also does not mean that we condone what they have done, but rather that we love them despite doing things differently to what we would have done.  Our duty is not to judge, but simply to love.  Leave the judging to the judges and the Lord.

7.  “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”

We love reminiscing about the past and we love dreaming about tomorrow and thus another day slip by in which we did not accomplish much.  We have all fallen victim to this at some time or another.  The truth, however, is that we only have this day, this one today and we dare not waste it.  Let us wake up and get going.  Do not put off for another second that which you would like to do.  Do it NOW!!!

8.  “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” 

Speaking comes very easily to most of us.  Our tongues react very quickly to our thoughts. We very seldom think about the words we speak and the effect which they can have on people.  Yet, words are seldom just words.  Words are loaded with meaning and potential.  Words have the power to create or destroy, it can build or demolish.  Words usually lead to actions.  The words we speak can help to shape a person's life, the effect of it visible for years to come.  Words have started wars and words have empowered people.  Words can bring light and life or they can destroy.  King Solomon wrote this about words in Proverbs 18:21(KJV)

" Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."

Let us be careful with our words.  Let us choose to be kind, always.

As women we have a responsibility to make the world a better place.  Let us make every effort to live up to our purpose.

Thou shalt not wear white shoes.

“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” ~ Katharine Hepburn

All of society is governed by rules.  From the minute we are born we are subjected to rules, laws and policies.  Our parents teach us from very young how to live and act, first of all according to their own house rules and later according to the norms of society and the laws of the country.  Most laws and rules are written down, but there are also many rules that are unwritten, yet accepted by society as the norm guiding our behavior.

Rules are very important to a society as a whole, but equally important to us as individuals.  Rules first of all helps to keep us safe from harm, ourselves and others.  Without rules there would be no civilization and we would live in chaos.  Rules help to give order and structure to our society and guide our behaviour.  A nation without rules and the governance of those rules will be a lawless nation and we would all be at risk in such a society.

However, it is important to have balance in life.  It is important to understand the differences between the different rules we have guiding our lives.  It is vital to understand that there are rules and laws which should be obeyed at all costs.  Those are the rules which protect the sanctity of life, those that are there to ensure our safety and which makes our society a safe place for all its citizens.  These rules are the ones protecting us from chaos and anarchy.  

However, we  also get rules that we have set for ourselves or have been set by others in our society.  In fact we sometimes have so many rules that if we were to obey all of them we will be so exhausted that we will have no life left in us to live!

For instance, heaven forbid if a woman over sixty were to buy herself a leather outfit and a Harley Davidson!  Her friends would surely suffer from shock.  Imagine the horror if you were to wear red to a wedding!!! Who does that?  Uhm,  only all of the best dressed in Hollywood!  Even worse - a middle aged woman taking off her shoes and dancing through the puddles like a five year old?  Definitely not the done thing, all the high society ladies would whisper about it.  We have so many rules and preconceives ideas about what is proper or not.  No wonder the disciples were so horrified at Jesus having dinner with the sinners!

Well, it's Woman's Month and I have some awesome news!!!  You may shock your friends and family!!  You may step outside the box.  It is perfectly okay to let your hair down and dance even if the world is watching.  Do not allow other people and their narrow rules of decorum stifle the beautiful soul you are.  You have one life, you have THIS life and the only rule is to live life to the fullest.  You have been created to be fearfully and wonderfully you-nique !!!Break those boundaries, colour completely outside and over the lines, toss out your sensible shoes and fly off with the butterflies!!!!

Care for the Caretaker

Women's Month!  Is it not simply awesome?  A whole month to celebrate womanhood!  I love being a woman.  I love it that I have an active sixth sense and am much more intuitive than most men.  I love it that as a woman I am allowed to be emotional. Women are blessed with the ability to bear children and to be nurturing.  Women are caring and selfless.  Being a woman in today's world means that we may do anything, go anywhere and become whatever we want to.  A woman is equally at home in the kitchen, on the sport field and alongside men in the boardrooms.  We may vote, we can make decisions about our own bodies and we may ask for help without feeling inadequate.

However, there is one drawback to being a woman and that is that we rarely understand when to quit, when is it time to let go.  Women inherently persevere against all odds.  We never give up and as a result we often suffer because of this trait.  We try to keep all the balls in the air at the same time. Our caring and nurturing natures compel us to always put everyone and everything else first in our lives.

We are the CEO's of our homes, the interior decorator, family nurse, educator and secretary, taxi service, spiritual councilor, cook and dishwasher, and general maintenance person.  We serve on school and church committees and often some or other charity as well.  We also wear the hats of gracious hostess and of course temptress to our dearly beloved. Then, often, we still have a job as well!  

From the moment we wake up we start rushing around from the one place to the other, juggling appointments at a speed that will be the envy of a circus performer.  We seldom stop to think about everything we do, we just do it, because it has to be done.  

However, all of this tends to come at a price.  Sooner or later we falter.  We fall prey to all sort of ailments.  We become weary or depressed.  Our health deteriorates, or bodies succumb to aches and pains, we tend to gain or sometimes, lose weight.  Yet, it does not end there, with our suffering, no, it begins to take its toll on our families, our marriages and our children.

The question is "What should we do?"

I share with you this quote from Michelle Obama:

"Women in particular need to keep an eye on their physical and mental health, because if we’re scurrying to and from appointments and errands, we don’t have a lot of time to take care of ourselves. We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own “to do” list. "

Yes, we have to make taking care of ourselves a priority too.  If we constantly give, give, give then we are busy emptying our mental, spiritual and physical bank account.  Before long we will have nothing left in that bank account and thus have nothing more to give.  That is exactly when we enter spiritual and mental bankruptcy.

Making ourselves a priority as well, is not selfish or egotistical, it is very necessary.  It is vital to the well-being of our families and marriages.  The healthier we are mentally and physically we are, the stronger we will be and the more we will be able to do and give.  The more we nurture ourselves, and the more time we make for ourselves the more energy we will have to take care of everyone around us.

Let us use this Women's Month to take stock of ourselves and our needs.  Take time out of your busy schedule and make time for a little "ME" time.  Pamper yourself and see what a difference it will make to your total well-being.  Take care of the Caretaker.  Allow yourself to be fully woman.  

Be blessed, dear sister.

New Wings

There is always something special about a new month and new beginnings.  It is like being giving a brand new pair of wings.  I am filled with excitement at the thought of spreading my wings and soaring.  A new month always seems alive with expectations, excitement and opportunities.  It is even more special when the new month is a month when we can celebrate the wonder of being a woman.  In South Africa August is Women's Month.

Being a woman in the age we live in is especially awesome.  We live in a time of freedom and opportunities.  Today, in most countries, women have the right to vote and they have the right to make decisions about their own futures.  Women have a place in many governments and politics and they have career opportunities in all fields of study.

After centuries of being oppressed, disregarded as human beings and treated as possessions, we now have a voice and treated as (almost) equals.  We may exert our independence and take control of our destiny.  Although many women in many countries still suffer under oppression, the voices of women the world over are shouting out louder and louder against the oppression and discrimination against their fellow sisters.

Women have been fearfully and wonderfully made.  We are unique.  It is because of our specific qualities that we have a very distinctive role to fulfill in the world.  However, in our quest to prove ourselves as equal to men, or better, we sacrifice some of our inherent qualities.  By striving to be like men, as strong, as able and knowledgeable, as 'superior' and as driven we actually betray ourselves.  We sacrifice our uniqueness, we trade it for something inferior and we end up missing God's very specific plan for our lives.  As long as we strive to be as good (or better), as able or as accomplished as the next man we become nothing more than a forgery, a poorly printed copy.

Our strength as women is found in exactly the fact that we ARE women.  We are different.  Our strength is not in denying our femininity, but in celebrating everything that makes us women.  Our strength lies in the way we love, our passionate and caring natures.  It is found in our vision and the way we are fully conscious of all our senses, yes, even that sixth sense.  Even in our weakness there is strength.  Strength is found both in her practical nature and her spiritual beliefs.  A woman's true strength comes from within and not from any validation that the world may give. A really strong woman knows that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of wisdom.

Let us celebrate the wonder of being a woman and let us be joyous and proud this month .  Let us make a difference wherever we go.  I share with you this quote from Oprah Winfrey:

“Step out of the history that is holding you back. Step into the new story you are willing to create.” 

More Than Enough

I am actually quite a positive person.  I am a firm believer that there is always a way, and if there isn't, then a way can be made.  For every problem there is a solution.  I always look for the happy in everything.  Yet every now and again I get days that I feel down, as if the sun is not quite yellow and the sky not totally crisp and clear.  To put it plainly, I feel blue.  Maybe not a deep midnight blue, but definitely a dusty pale blue, a bruised blue.  Usually there is not a specific reason, but rather an accumulation of a few nagging or unsettling things or circumstances.  I feel out of sorts.  I am sure many of you have felt similarly at some or other point in your life.

Today was one of those days.  There was not something specific I could put my finger on, but it was there.  Dull blue edges around my day which  threatened to colour the white spaces blue too.  This feeling was partly due to missing my children and partly due to the whole political and economical situation all around the world.  Maybe the cold weather influenced my mood too?  I did not really feel like doing anything.  My daily have-to-do tasks seemed like a mountain and running one mile felt impossible let alone the 6.2 miles I was supposed to.

Well, after feeling BLAH for most of the morning, I decided to turn my attention to art.  I got out my paints and stencils, my pastels and ink and my art journal.  I forgot about all the have-to-do's and focused on the smell of the paint and the feel of the pastels in my hand.  As I journaled, my mind went off on its own tangent, and peace settled on my shoulders.

I started thinking about how blessed we are.  We wake up everyday refreshed.  We have a chance at another day, we have a choice how to fill it.  We have a choice how we want to look at life, we can choose to see obstacles or opportunities, we can count our blessings or find things to gripe about.  We can choose to forgive or bear a grudge and we can choose to love or hate. We can decide to look at our lives and circumstances with gratitude or we can decide to moan about everything which we don't have.

It all comes down to our perspective.  With what eyes do we look at life in general and our own lives in particular?  When we search for the good and for the positive around us we are guaranteed to find it.  When we count our blessings and we look at life with optimism and heart full of gratitude we will suddenly find that what we have is more than enough.

When we live lives of gratitude a very interesting thing happens: 

Gratitude becomes Abundance!!!

God's Whisper

Last time I blogged about following our dreams and pursuing  our goals.  However, sometimes we have so many dreams and ideas that we get totally confused.  We find it hard to distinguish which ones are real and which ones are merely distractions keeping us from following our true dreams.  Many people feel lost, without any real direction.  They believe there must be some purpose to their existence, but they have no idea what their actual calling might be.  They try a host of different

 things, but nothing seems to truly speak to their hearts.  

I have often felt this same way.  I enjoy doing so many diverse things, but I end up being frustrated because I seldom get the time to do everything I want to do and in the end accomplish far less than I set out to do.  I often feel like a rudderless dinghy out at sea!  However, when I look around me I notice a fleet of dinghies around me, other people who feel equally lost.  What are we to do?  I wish the universe would put up a huge neon sign pointing "This Way!" , maybe while it's flashing add some sound effects, loud cymbals crashing and bells ringing to make sure we notice the huge signboard.  Would it not have been great if we were given a little fortune cookie at birth telling us about our Life's Purpose?

Alas, there is no neon sign or band, nor fortune cookies to show us the way.  However, there IS something out there trying to get our attention, but we are too busy, too loud and we surround ourselves with so much noise that we miss the very thing we search for: guidance.

Stop! Be quiet, and listen...

Do you hear that?

A gentle flutter of wings...whispers.

We are surrounded by it, but we seldom, very very seldom hear it.  Some people say that the universe speaks to us, I prefer to call it God.  We often expect God to come to us with thunder and lightning, we expect him in the storm winds, but right in the beginning of the Bible we read that "they heard the voice of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden during the breeze of the day".  Quietly, softly like a breeze. To hear him we have to be still.  His voice comes to us in many ways.  Sometimes through the loving voices of our parents or people who truly care about us.  Often he uses subtle signs to guide us, divergences along our path or detours that may not make sense to us at the time.  We insist to find better ways, different paths that will lead us to the destinations where we think we should go, only to find ourselves somewhere else entirely.  We get angry about this and resist it with all our power, lets be honest, we throw our toys out of the cot.  But the truth is, if we calm down, if we listen carefully, we realize that on the breeze comes God's whisper "Be still, and know that I am God."

Just this week I was ashamed to realize that the Lord has been trying to send me messages for so long, but I have been too busy with my own plans and ideas to hear his voice.  He has been trying to tell me since I was seven or eight years old.  I ignored him.  Most of my life. Instead I listened to other people telling me the contrary, I accepted their opinion as the gospel.  I listened to my own excuses, my own reasoning.  Yet, still the Lord carried on trying to reach me.  A desire started to well up in me stronger and stronger, but I denied it by getting so very busy with everything else.  Then finally he spoke to me loudly and clearly through the voice of my husband.  At first I laughed at him, but then I stopped and thought, but what if it is really God's plan for me?  What if this longing I have had all my life has been my soul crying out for me to get with God's plan?  What if this is it, the one thing I have been searching for, my purpose? Can I afford to carry on ignoring the Lord's whispers any longer?  Finally I heard him,  Finally, I saw my excuses and my constant procrastination for what it was: FEAR.

Fear is very cunning.  It clothes itself in a myriad of excuses and we believe each and every one of them.  As long as we believe our own excuses we can sit back in our dream chair rocking back and forth and we never have to do anything about it.  Eventually the only thing that remains of our dreams is the dust of thousands of "if only's" that's piled up on top of them.

Are you also wondering which path you should follow, are you searching for something, for a purpose?  Stop listening to the world's version of you, stop listening to fear hiding behind your excuses.  Be still and listen...
When you turn the world's volume down and you turn off your internal dialogue you'll start hearing the soft whispers of God...

Trapped

Freedom.

A word that carries the blood of the many who fought for it.

Freedom is loosely defined as "the condition of being free; the power to act or speak or think without externally imposed restraints."  It is a good definition.  Yet, my question today is "Are we really free?"  The answer to this question lies in the definition of freedom.  EXTERNALLY we may be free from imposed restraints, after all most of us live in a free country, we have freedom of speech and we are allowed to act, think and do freely, but internally?  Internally most of us struggle to achieve freedom.   We are bound by self imposed restraints.  We are handcuffed to our own perceptions, expectations and preconceived ideas.

Most people have dreams and goals.  We harbour certain ideas and we hold onto our hopes, yet how many actually achieve their goals.  How many people do you know who fearlessly pursued their dreams?  No many.  The world is filled with people wistfully looking at the achievers, the inventors and self-made millionaires out there and wish they had that same "luck"!!!

The truth is that "Luck" has nothing to do with it.  We like to use Luck as an excuse not to pursue our dreams, not to go after our goals with tenacity.  As long as we hide behind the concept of luck we have a reason why it is okay never to try, never to take action or take a leap of faith.

Our very first need as human beings is that of survival,  Self-preservation.  We want security.  We want safety.  When we buy something we want guarantees and warranties.  We want to be in control of life, of circumstances and of other people.  We want to be able to predict what will happen and when it will happen.  But surprise, surprise, life does not work like that.  It may seem as if we are in control, but it is usually just an illusion.  It is when this illusion is shattered that we experience life at its most difficult.  Life is not conforming to our expectations and we rebel against it.  We rally against it and we start making the wrong choices and decisions in order to gain control.  We become frantic, like a fish caught on a hook, we struggle against the fishing line until we are exhausted to the point of death.

To really be free we have to escape the prisons we have created for ourselves.  We have to quit our ideas about not being good enough, we have to stop the negative self-talk and we have to stop creating obstacles for ourselves.

We have to start TRUSTING and LETTING GO!

We have to believe in our dreams. We have to trust that we are worthy of good things happening to us.  We have to believe in the good plans the Lord has promised He has in store for us.  TRUST him.  If we say that we trust Him then we also have to LET GO.  We have to let go of fear, of doubt and of our "realistic" negativity.  We have to relax and go with the flow.  If only the fish could learn to relax, to allaw the line to go slack it would stand a better chance to slip the hook.

If you have a dream or a goal it is important to follow the following four steps:

1.Visualize. 

Imagine your dream.  Visualize what it would feel like when you achieve your goal.  What would it mean to you and your family.  Think about how you would go about reaching your goal and what steps you need to take to get there.  However, be open.  Be open to taking other paths to reach your destiny, be open to better ways to make it happen and do not be hemmed in by your own limited thinking.

2. Be Positive

Believe in your dream.  Do not listen to the naysayers.  However, be honest with yourself about what to you may need to change in order to reach your goal.  Examine it from all angles, but never give up, stay focused.

3. Affirm Your Dream

It is not enough to dream it, think it and visualize it.  You have to commit to it 100%.  You have to say it out loud,  you have to write it down and you have to own it.  You are not somebody who hopes to become a manager, you ARE a manager, athlete, executive or whatever.  Be what you dream!!!!

4. Expect It

Never give up on your dream.  Expect it, it IS coming your way because you are going towards it one day, one step at a time.  You are actively pursuing it.

I would like to sum it up with the three W's:

Willingness, Waiting and Waking Up

Willingness to Trust and Let Go

Waiting and being ready for the opportune moment while you plan.

Waking Up, stop dreaming and go over to action.

Touched by a Butterfly

Since my earliest memories I have been fascinated by butterflies,  They always represented something magical to me.  I love watching them flutter around in the garden, each one so unique in its own right, fragile and beautiful.  They are little ballerinas dancing to the music of the wind.  The sight of them always fills me with joy.  As a child I had a butterfly brooch.  It had ruby red wings which glittered in the sunlight.  I love holding it up and pretending I could fly away with it.  Some cultures view butterflies as being closely linked to our souls, and are associated with resurrection.  They are a symbol of change and transformation.

Butterflies dance in and out of our gardens, sit on our windowsills and bring smiles to our faces on a daily basis. They brush our shoulders and hearts with delicate wings. They fill our thoughts with wonder at their effortless flight.  I have had many butterflies moving through my world, colouring my days with their colour and gaiety.  I call these butterflies friends, family and loved ones.  Each one has added beauty and happiness to my life.  Some seemed to enter my world by chance and others by design, but none ever without purpose.  Some butterflies dance and twirl with me through life, always by my side, while some tarry for only a little while.  However, whatever their role is or has been in my life, their presence will always linger in the way the breeze touches my memory and I will recall the gentle flutter of their wings against my heart.

For every butterfly that has visited my garden and touched my soul, thank you.  You are special and I treasure you.

Slow Down

Blink your eyes.  Another second is gone.  We cannot hold it back and we cannot slow it down.  We cannot get it back either nor have a do over.  Time belongs to nobody and it is incredibly precious.  When we are small, we give it no thought apart from wishing it past in order to get to the next birthday, holiday or Christmas.  We cannot wait to grow up.  When we are older we start to realize that time is a scarce commodity.  We start to regret the lost hours, days and years.

However, it is only once we have children that we really start to realize how fleeting time is.  At first when a baby is born, and the initial wonder has start to make way for the realities of dirty nappies, deprived sleep and unexplained crying, we start wishing this difficult time would just pass.  We look forward to sleeping through again, nappy-free days and adult conversation.  Not really thinking about the precious moments we are wishing past.  Our days get consumed by rushing around, meeting deadlines and juggling every days' demands.  We are so busy with living our lives at the pace the world is setting, that we are quite oblivious to the fact that we have stopped to smell the roses along the way.

Then, one day it hits us.  We are shocked to realize that our children are on their way to college, getting married or having children of their own!  Suddenly we are faced with the mystery of where the time has gone?

This is exactly what happened to me a couple of months ago.  I have always treasure every moment of my children's lives.  I have not once wished a certain phase to pass quickly.  Yet, out on a boat in the middle of a river with the sun just setting, I was jolted by the realization that time has indeed been up to its old tricks.  It has passed by at the speed of light.  As I held my recently born grandchild in my arms and looked at my youngest smiling for photo's being taken for her twenty-first, my heart was aching for how fast the years came and went.  I wanted to gather all my loved ones together there on the boat that day into my arms and just hold them tightly.  I wanted to tell time to just hold on a minute, to wait, to let this precious perfect moment last just a while, an hour, a day or a year longer.  I wanted to drink in each minute, engrave every word, hug, smile and glance onto my brain.  I wanted to capture it in a glass jar to marvel at and relive again and again.

Alas, time waits for nobody.  Cliche?  Of course, but so true.  That is why it is so important to treasure this moment, this very here and now.  If you are reading this, I hope you get something from it, but more than that, I hope you stop reading and go find your husband, wife, parents, children, family or friends and hug them tightly, phone them and tell them that you love them, treasure them.

For my family and friends: I love you and value each one of you in my life.  My husband: YOU are the best,  For my children and granddaughter I have this message, a song by Nichole Nordeman:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clcNB_EUao8