Flying in the Shadow

In many cultures butterflies are thought of as being

the souls of the people who have passed on.  To me butterflies are magical and entrancing, they represent so many things - thoughts, hope, rebirth, transformation, words, memories, etc.   

Butterflies always seem to follow me around.  Ever since I can remember I have been fascinated by them, and many people have associated butterflies with me in some sense or another.  In my thoughts I carry many butterflies with me, the butterfly memory of my mother, my father, a few dear friends.  They flutter eternally through my recollections.  Sometimes they feel so close that I am sure if I turn fast enough I will catch them where they are hiding in my shadow.

I often talk about my parents to my children who never had the privilege to know them, I share anecdotes from their lives with my friends and try to implement what they taught me in every part of my life.  It is my way to acknowledge their existence, to celebrate the people they were.  It is a way to ensure their footprints on this earth are never lost, I am a witness of their lives.  In fact I am pretty sure that their memory will even be passed on to my children's children.

I think this is what we owe the ones we've loved, to speak their names and tell their stories, not because they were kings or queens, anybody famous or infamous, but because they are forever a part of our existence.  They are interwoven in the pattern of life, as inseparable from us as our own shadows.  Our thoughts give those who have left this earth wings to fly once more for a moment alongside us, to briefly comfort us hovering just within our shadow,   Only in darkness is it possible to loose one's shadow. 

Everyone of them have left their footprints in our lives and souls and we are blessed for having known them, my children are blessed by learning about their grandparents from me.  We do not honour them by placing flowers on a grave, or flipping through a photo album, but every time we smile at a memory of them.

What Babies Teach Us

The arrival of a baby is cause for a major celebration for most families.  Babies seem to turn even cynical, life-hardened adults into cooing, face-pulling and blabbering beings, all just to illicit a smile from a sleepy infant.  Babies instantly change the dynamics of a family and reinvent the established routine of most households.  The content of conversations also change to the extent that we ask ourselves what on earth we spoke about BB (before baby)?

The majority of parents are totally wrapped up in the care of their little miracle, and they are eager to teach their children everything they need to know. Yet having a new born in our family, and not being the primary care-giver has given me the opportunity to observe my delightful granddaughter and I was suddenly struct by this truth:  this little bundle is already adding value to our lives just by being here, dozing off in a little bubble of bliss,  With her every breath she is teaching us about life and living.  Observing her, she taught me a few things and I would like to share them with you:

1. We need people

We as adults like to think of ourselves as independent and self-relying individuals.  We like to believe we know all the answers, and we seldom if ever like to ask for help or guidance.  We want to do everything ourselves.  Asking for help or advice implies weakness.  But babies instinctively know they need help, and they accept it without it affecting their self-esteem.  In fact they can get quite vocal when they need assistance.  Babies know that we need other people in order to survive.  We need to connect to other people, in fact our wiring is such that we can cope better in most situations if we can share our thoughts, ideas, worries or problems with somebody else.

2. Just the basics

Babies are satisfied and happy little creatures when their basic needs are met.  Their basic needs are love, sustenance, comfort and safety.  They flourish when their simplest needs are met.  They do not need things, they need to be cradled in the loving arms of their parents and they need their attention.  They do not need expensive dinners, meals in fancy restaurants or gourmet food, no they just need milk to fill their tummies and help them grow.  They do not need a palace or a room filled with all the luxuries money can buy, they just need a place filled with love and a warm cozy bed and as for safety, where better than in your mommy's arms, holding you safe and the monsters at bay.  No baby has ever demanded to be driven around in a luxury car or to sleep in a five star residence waited on by a dozen servants.

3. Unconditional

Babies are unconditional beings.  They do not care who their parents are.  They are not impressed by the title of CEO, Doctor or Professor.  They do not care whether their parents are the prettiest, the richest or the most clever people.  They do not care whether we walk around in PJ's and slippers or wear Prada.  They love us and smile at us regardless of who we are.  We are their hero's and their people and they look at us with total adoration.

4. Free to be themselves

Babies never pretend to be who they are not (except for role-playing i.e. pretending to be a tortoise for a whole day).  They are completely themselves.  They are not afraid to chuckle with total abandon or cry when they are unhappy.  They sleep whenever they want to without caring whether they snore or drool.  They are not scared to be vocal or excited, and they could not care less if other people like them or not, they are quite comfortable with whom they are.

5. Never give up

Have you ever seen a baby who has tried to lift up his head when he is doing tummy time, but then his head flops back down?  Have you seen that baby then refuse to ever try that again?  No, you did not.  Babies try and fail, but then try again until they get it right.  Babies never give up, even when they fall and bruise their knees, or knock their heads they get up and try it again.  Babies persevere, they have this inherent believe that they will succeed.  The option of quitting never enters their minds.

6. A inquisitive mind

Babies are ready and eager to learn.  They observe everything around them with wide open eyes, drinking in every little detail.  They touch and taste everything they can get hold of.  Just watch those little fingers reach out for a piece of fluff, their whole being is focused on reaching it and examining it.  Even the smallest thing draws their attention and they marvel at the wonder of it.  They do not merely notice the new toy, they also notice the box, the wrapping and that fascinating piece of cello-tape.  Oh, how amazing that piece of sticky plastic is!  Through the eyes of children we have an opportunity to re-discover the wonders of life!

7. Trust and have Faith

Babies do not worry.  They do not fret or get stomach ulcers from stress.  They trust that those strange sleep-deprived cooing humans will take care of them, will look after them and provide for them.  They have full confidence that their parents and any other significant adult are totally reliable and have their best interest at heart.   They have faith that everything will be as it should be.  They open themselves up with no fear of being hurt, rejected or neglected.  They believe in the goodness of people and take the truth at face value.  They never doubt for one minute the words of their parents.  They understand the key concept of faith.

How blessed I am to have such a tiny little tutor reminding me once again about the core principles of life.  It is amazing what the effect of living out these seven basic rules has on our lives.  When we refocus on the things that are truly important all the other nonsense and baggage we tend to hold onto just fades away.  Let us heed the lessons these tiny humans teach us.

Approved by God

Having recently become a granny I am once again filled with awe.  New borns are the most precious gift to humans.  Through their eyes we have the opportunity to view life with renewed wonder and delight.  It is just amazing how open and receptive they are.  They have no pre-conceived ideas about the world, the people around them or themselves.  They are positive and enthusiastic about life, firmly expecting the good.  Their lives and thought are a perfectly clean slate. 

Yet sadly, too soon, the world and its ideas start to write something else on their clean canvasses.  The baby who chuckled with abandon starts looking for approval from his parents.  The toddler who ran eagerly with wobbly knees to any stranger, starts hiding behind his mommy's legs and the three year old who sang nursery rhymes delightfully off-key now only lip-syncs in the Sunday School choir.

It happens just about to all of us.  We stop trusting our own authentic voice and start to believe the whispers of the world.  We start to crave the approval of others.  Even the voices of our own parents are drowned out by the noise of the world.  Our ears become finely tuned to the frequency of criticism and judgement.  Other people's opinion and assessment of us starts to weigh heavier than that of the people who love us and our self-esteem takes a serious knock.  We forget who and what we really are and we completely disregard the fact that we have been created by a Creator who does not make mistakes.  We have been created perfectly and uniquely, we already have the seal of approval from our Creator, yet we desperately seek the approval of others.

The world is so quick to pass out labels.  We easily attach a tag of "Failure", "Neurotic", "Useless", "Worthless" or such to others as well as to ourselves.  We end up believing these labels and it starts becoming our dominant thoughts and these thoughts start ruling, or worse ruining, our lives.  We become slaves of other peoples', as well as our own, opinions of us.

The following quote is attributed to Buddha:  

"We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves."
This is so true.  The thoughts which constantly go around in our minds are the ones that are like the regular footsteps making a pathway through a field.  With every thought it becomes engraved on our psyche, and it shapes our behaviour.  We have to stop this negative thought pattern and we do that by starting to believe what the Lord says to us about us.  People seldom truly want to see us prosper or achieve great heights.  They can cope better with us when we are on a level where we are their equal or even less.  Therefore do not allow anyone to limit you or define who you are.  Accept only God's opinion of you.

If you take anything away from today, let it be this: stop seeking the approval of others, rip off the labels, you already carry the Lord's stamp of approval.

Spring is Here!

Today is a beautiful day! It is officially the first day of Spring. It is the perfect Spring day with blue skies and bright sunshine and just a gentle breeze stirring the fresh green leaves and tender blossoms.  What a blessing, what joy!

I love mornings.  Everything is new, fresh and delightful.  I love waking up to the chatter of the birds just outside our bedroom window.  I always listen to them and invent dialogue for them.  My cat also loves listening to them and then she chats back to them in her voice she reserves just for the birds!  I also imagine what her dialogue is and it usually bodes nothing good for the unsuspecting little birds.

Every morning to me is like receiving a gift.  It is all beautifully wrapped up in blue skies,tied up with early morning sunlight and decorated with butterflies. Very soppy and sentimental, I know, but that is really how I feel about early mornings.  Some days the wrapping is a bit gloomy, but still I look forward to unwrapping this mysterious, enticing and gracious gift.

This gift, however, is very different from all other gifts.  Usually the gift we receive is just what it is - a pretty little soap, exquisite jewelry or maybe a beautiful book.  Sometimes it is something we always wanted, but at other times it might be something we already have.  This early morning gift though is a very unique gift.  It is what I decide to make out of it.  If I look for beauty in my day, that is what I will find in my gift, but if I look for the ugly in today, the angry and hateful, that, too, is what I will get from the gift.  What I decide to do with this gift of today is determined by what happens in my heart and in my thoughts, it gives shape to my day and ultimately my life.

We all receive this gift, but what we do with it, what we make out of it, remains a personal choice.  Yes, sometimes we wake up, and we realize that our gift will never be entirely the same again, as life and circumstances have maybe attached a label or two to my gift.  Maybe it is a label of sadness, or regret.  Maybe the gift tag reads "Change", yet I still have a choice about what I am going to do with this brand new day.  Will I celebrate it or waste it, will I use it for good or squander it on insignificant things, because there seems to be an endless supply of it?

Something else about this gift that is different from normal gifts is that where most gifts we can keep and enjoy still for a long time to come, this gift just belongs to today, to now.  I cannot save it for tomorrow, and I if I drag yesterday into it, I spoil it with bitterness, blame or regret.  It has an expiry time.

Graciously God grants us each day another opportunity, another wonderful gift.  It is so sad that in our youth we have little value for this gift, and so easily trade it for nonsense, filling the hours with unnecessary baggage. Fortunately, as we grow "wiser ", so our appreciation also increases and we start to treasure this gift of now and we cram it with everything that is worthwhile and good.

My wish for you is that  you will every morning unwrap this gift with joy and embrace your new today with wide open arms and live it!!

Have a joyful Spring!

If you flutter by here please feel free to comment.  I would love to hear from you.

Pause A Moment

The last day of August, the final day of Woman's Month.  Today is also officially, in the Southern Hemisphere at least, the last day of Winter.  I can feel my soul pushing against the cocoon and yearning to feel the sun on its wings.  But just before leaving this cocoon, maybe it is a good time to look back and reflect on this past month, and also the year so far.  Most of us are so focused on today and the future that we sometimes lose sight of how far we have come.  After all, every journey has a beginning, and if we never reflect on where we have started how can we judge how far we still have to go.  We need yesterday as a reference, to heed the lessons learned and to make better choices for the journey ahead.  We need to look back on our footsteps, to see where we have walked and if it is inline with our destination.

Socrates said that "the unexamined life is not worth living."  It is important to take stock of our lives, to reflect again on our dreams and accomplishments in order to know how to proceed and how to continue our journey.  Reflection is important in order to determine if we are still on the path we set out to travel, or to realign ourselves with our goals.

I have come up with a five part checklist for reflecting on the past.  I call it "The 5 P's to move from Past to Present".

1. First of all, reflect on your "Passion".  Our passions lie at the very core of our existence.  It is part of our spirit's axle.  It is interesting to note that the word passion has its origins in Latin from the  past participle stem  pati meaning  "to suffer, endure,"  Our passions are those things we feel strongly about.  We are so ardent about them that we will even be prepared to endure hardship in order to follow our passions.  Very often our passions are driven by events we went through in the past.   A child who saw a parent suffer from emphysema may be fanatical about launching an anti-tobacco campaign or a person confronted with domestic violence as a child may establish a shelter for abused women and children.  Their past drives their passions.  What is your passion?  What is it that excites you?  Is the path you are following in line with your passions?

2. Secondly, consider your "Purpose".  Our passion gives birth to our purpose.  Our live's purpose is born from that which inspires us, and our talents nurture our purpose, shape it and guide it.  I need to ask myself what is it that I can do that will add value to my life, but also to the lives of others.  What is it that truly makes me happy.  How can my life through the driving force of my passion and the use of my talents be of service to others, to my family and my community.  It is the answer to this that reveals our life's purpose.  

3. Next, look at your "Physical" condition, reflect on your health, your fitness and your emotional well-being.  In order to live out our passion and follow our purpose we need to be in the best shape possible for our own physical limitations.  You do not have to be Miss or Mr World to  follow your passion, but you need to take good care of your body.  A healthy body gives rise to a healthy mind, and it impacts on our happiness.  A feeling of happiness energizes us, and we are able to give so much more of ourselves to a starving world.  If you find that you are out of shape, suffer from unhealthy eating habits and are feeling depressed, now is the time to do something about it.  Join the gym, get sound nutritional advice and seek professional help for your depression.  Of course, following our dreams and pursuing our life's purpose is a great way to prevent or even cure depression, but even people who live out their passions to the fullest can have health or mental issues.  Thus it is important to regularly take stock of your physical well-being.

4. The fourth P which we have to reflect upon is "Place".  Where do you find yourself?  What are the circumstances surrounding you and are you in the right place to live out your passion and pursue your purpose?  What position do you fill in your family and your community.  We are all affected by milieu within which we exist. We are in constant interaction with our surroundings as well as the people within our circle of influence.  When reflecting on our surroundings and the people we encounter we have to ask ourselves what impact we have on our community, and how can we contribute positively to the lives of others?  How can I use my passion to make it a better place for myself, my family and my community? 

5.  As we reflect on all these things it is a good time to also reflect on the "Plan"I have had for my life thus far.  Has my plan been working according to my passion and purpose?  Has it helped me to pursue my dreams?  What changes do I need to make to my plan in order to bring me closer to my life's purpose?  What is my vision for the future and will following the same plan as yesterday bring me closer to my goal, or is it time for a change?

Reflecting on the past is the best way to gain insight about what you have achieved and what areas in your life you have to work at.  It provides us with the opportunity to make better choices in the future and apply the lessons we have learned.

Reflect on the past, retain what is necessary and resume your journey.

Open Your Eyes

So, how was your day today?  Chances are that you have had quite a hectic day.  You have most probably been rushing around from point A to point B to get everything done, to meet everybody's demands and somehow juggle your own family's needs as well.  I am pretty sure that you are feeling exhausted.  It is nothing new.  We all suffer from the pressure everyday life puts on us.

Now that you have a spare moment (after all, you are reading this), even though it's a stolen moment, I would like to ask you what is it that you remember most about today?  What event that happened today will stick in your mind for days or maybe weeks to come?  What is the one thing you will take away from this day?  Is it maybe the fact that you finished all the correspondence in your inbox?  Maybe your books balanced perfectly at the end of the day?  Or maybe you signed a major new client or got the bonus you were hoping for.  How long will the joy of it last?  Until you spend the bonus or till the inbox overflows again?

In the frenzied, success-driven world we are living in, these are quite important milestones, and we have every right to feel proud of them, yet when all is said and done how much do they really weigh?  What was the price we paid for them?  Now I ask you again: What will you remember about today?

Did you notice the new woman from the technical department dab at her eyes during the morning meeting?  Do you remember the woman standing in the queue with the worried expression on her face?  The one who double checked the money in her purse?  Did you notice the old man looking at the confectionery table, almost licking his lips, but then turning away to buy half a loaf of brown bread instead?

Don't worry if you didn't, most of us would not have noticed either.  In our busy world we have little time to look around us.  We avoid making eye contact in the queue or at the shop, lest we have to strike up a conversation and waste valuable time.  We walk with our eyes straight ahead, looking down and notice only those things we need to avoid in order not to trip and fall.  We rarely notice the little purple flower blooming against all odds in the cracks of the pavement.  We are oblivious to the sliver of bright blue sky sticking out above the skyscrapers and we are unaware of the toddler staring up with wide-eyed wonder at the world around him while we are waiting for the traffic light to turn green.

In the evenings we get home and between making dinner and bath time rituals we do a quick recap of the day with our spouse and children, just touching on the basics and running through the next day's itinerary.  Yet, did you notice your teenager is more sullen than usual, or how your tweeny is suddenly more conscious of what her hair looks like? Maybe you noticed that your husband or wife seems extra tired, but being so weary yourself you put it down to something that will pass.

Life passes us by day by day, and at the end of it we are so grateful to slip into our comfortable beds, not realizing that even though we were so busy busy, we were never actually alive.
You see, life is made up out of so much more than the huge important pieces.  The big blocks of achievements and goals.  In fact the big, important things would be useless without the in between bits holding it all together.  The little bits are the stitches keeping our life's quilt together.  It is when we start opening our eyes and all our senses to the world around us that we start waking up, and we start living life instead of merely passing through it.  It is the smile we share with the other person across the room, a kind word to somebody we meet at the supermarket, the extra ten minutes of cuddling with my nine year old or the late night conversation with my husband that make not only my life, but also the other person's life more memorable.

These little insignificant things are the ones that colour our lives in, it sets the tone and it makes all the rushing around worthwhile.  These are the things to jot down in our Gratitude Journals and not the huge things.  The huge things in life get trophies, certificates or a new car, but the little things need to be recorded in order to remember them and celebrate them when we get to that point in our lives when we wonder what was the point of it all.

So wake up, and start paying attention, life truly is beautiful.  Start seeing, really noticing and connecting with life.

Travel On

It's Friday!

If you are like most people in the world then this is the day you have looked forward to all week long.  From the minute you get out of bed on Monday morning, in the back of your mind you are already thinking about Friday.  We love Fridays, looking forward to the week-end when we can spend time with family, or take a trip somewhere, or attend some special event for which we got tickets months in advance already.  Whatever week-end means to you, chances are that you have been planning your activities for the week-end and have marked the passing of the days just to get to Friday.

Most of us are like this.  We have our eyes firmly locked onto our destination.  We plan it and make arrangements for it and we make sure we mark it in our diaries.  Yet somehow we forget that in between this moment and that point somewhere in the future there is a whole lot of living that still has to be done.

We are so focused on the destination that we try to bypass everything else as soon as possible.  Women the world over start counting down the months and weeks of their pregnancy from the time they find out they are pregnant.  Many forget to savor the wonder of the miracle growing within them because they are so focused on preparing for the birth.  We marvel holding that new born baby in our arms, but soon the reality settles in and we start wishing our children were older, thinking if only they could sit, talk, walk or go to school, things would get better.  Then, before we know it our children are out of the house, taking on the responsibilities for their own journey, and we realize that we were so busy chasing after the destination that we missed out on so much of their daily development.

Often people are so busy getting to that point in life when they can say that "I have arrived" that they miss out on the beauty of life right now, at this very moment.  They chase after that point in time, that "ultimate" destination with so much energy that they are too exhausted to cope, let alone, enjoy the present.  They falsely believe that real living can only happen once you get "there", once you have that six-figure paycheck, that mansion in the posh neighbourhood, a luxury yacht, that sought after trophy, etc, etc, etc.  Newsflash:  That moment, that destination is only a little moment in time, a tiny fraction of life.  When you reach that "arrival point", when all your life has revolved about getting "there", you discover that it does not hold all the satisfaction which you expected, because the price you paid for it was too high.  That is when you look for the next destination, the next goal, mistakenly believing again that it would satisfy your needs. It becomes a constant chasing after wind.  Life has got very little to do with the destination, but everything to do with the journey.

It is so important to realize that we are all travelers, we are all busy with a journey.  We are never alone on the road, and when we reach out to our fellow travelers along the way, we can help and encourage one another, and we can make the journey so much more enjoyable.  We are not simply moving from point A to point B in a void or a vacuum, no we are passing through some amazing scenery, take a moment to relish it.  Enjoy the ride.  Every journey we undertake is filled with life lessons.  We might experience uphills and detours, sometimes a few potholes along the way, but there are also long and easy downhills with beautiful vistas ahead, places we can rest and replenish our souls.

It is very good and very necessary to know where we are going, and it is important to have a road map of how to get there, but never forget that it is the journey that is the most important, and every journey is what we make it.  

Happy Travelling.

And I called her Mom

This Woman's Month I want to share information with you about a few incredible women,  Here is another tribute to a great woman.

She was amazing.  She had the look of Olivia de Havilland.  She drew looks wherever she went with her dark hair and perfectly set eyebrows above the bluest eyes you could imagine.  Yet it was never her beauty which lingered in your mind when she left, but her presence.  She walked upright and proud with grace and confidence.  From childhood she was taught to work hard and selflessly. Growing to womanhood during the forties and fifties she was often noted for her stylish clothes and was the envy of her peers.  She made all her own clothes in the style of the latest fashions, and despite working long hours and travelling by train to her work, she was always beautifully dressed.  Yet her hands told the story of a woman who knew what it meant to work hard.

 She put her children and family above her own needs and she was her husband's most adoring fan, raising her children to idolize him.  She was a romantic, yet very practical.  She had the voice of an angel and an unshakable faith, teaching her children how to believe.

She loved the sea, carnations and movies.  She loved chocolates and Turkish Delight.  Sundays were filled with the delicious flavours of  rich, delicious home-cooking.  She drove her car like a racing driver and walked through life with uncompromising principles.  But more than all these attributes it was her kindness which would be remembered by all who crossed paths with her.  It emanated from her like a welcoming fragrance, reassuring you that as long as she was there everything would always be okay.  Her smile was gentle, filled with joy and humility.

She was truly woman, unique and intriguing.  She was one-of-a-kind.  She is still that never-ending song that echoes through every day of my life.

...and I called her Mom.

Tagged

This month being Woman's Month, I found myself waking up this morning thinking about the word "woman" and what it means to be a woman. 

So after doing a little bit of research I discovered that contrary to what we believe, i.e. that the word 'woman' was derived from the word 'man', the word 'man' was originally a gender neutral word referring to 'human being'.  Originally the word used to refer to a male human being was the word 'wer' or 'werman'.  At the same time women were called 'wif' or 'wifman(n), meaning 'female human being'.  This later evolved into to different words namely 'wifmann' into 'woman' and 'wif' into 'wife'.  About a thousand years ago the word 'wer' disappeared and male humans began to be referred to as simply 'man'.  The word 'wer' is still found in words like 'werewolf' meaning 'man wolf'. 

Well, that is a bit of trivia about the word 'woman' itself, but what does it mean to be a woman?

First of all being a woman is being human, being a cognitive, emotional and wonderfully unique creature.  Society tends to put women into a box.  Society likes to attach tags to us, it makes them feel safe to be able to identify us by our labels.  We get cataloged and placed in neat little boxes in neat little rows.  Women themselves are the most avid catalogers themselves.  However, here comes the surprising news: women very rarely fit comfortably into these pre-made little boxes.  Since the earliest times women have protested to these confines, and no matter how hard the box-packers tried, they could not close the lids tightly enough!

Women are complex puzzles composed of amazing strengths and weaknesses.  We can be totally logical and irrational at the same time.  A woman is in tune with her emotions and intuitive about the emotions of those around her.  Women are taught endurance and perseverance from an early age.  We are blessed with wisdom and understanding.  We often operate on a high spiritual level and we nurture and teach those in our care.  We have an inherit need to reach out to others.

Not only do we possess amazing strength, and have weaknesses to just remind everyone that even super-beings are not perfect, we are endowed with grace and beauty.  Not the beauty that last for a fleeting moment, but beauty of the soul.  Women possess a beauty that is able to impact on the souls of our children and all who cross our paths.  We are more that caregivers we are care-creators, by our example we lead those following us to greater compassion.  We do not just give love, we teach them how to love.  We teach our children how to believe and how to live.

Being a woman is simply awesome. It is especially wonderful to be a woman in the twenty-first century.  Because of all the women who fought for our emancipation we can today fully enjoy being women.  We are no longer being limited to being the silent and demure ones.  We have a voice and we have a choice. I am so grateful to be a woman, because being a woman means that I can be whatever I want to be!!!  As a woman I am free to be wonderfully feminine.  I can be strong and frivolous, I can be practical and if I want to I may cry for no reason.  I can be absolutely me and I do not need to be an imitation of a man!