Happiness is Home

When you ask people what the one thing in life is they would really love to have, you will receive many diverse answers.  The answers range from money, a beautiful face, a luxury yacht or a better job all the way to world peace, but the answer which crops up most often is simply "to be happy".

Most people believe that happiness can be found in needs fulfilled.  Some people are of the opinion that a better job or a bigger house will make them happy.  A friend of mine believed that if she were to drop two dress sizes happiness would be sure to follow.  Many believe that finding a life partner will make them happy, while others think they are doomed to a life of misery because of an unhappy childhood, physical ailments or misfortune.

We equate getting things or achieving certain goals with happiness, however very often happiness has little to do with receiving, but much more with letting go.  There are five very important things we have to let go of for Happiness to settle into our lives.  You see we have to make space for Happiness.  Our lives are often so cluttered with junk that there is no room for Happiness to move in.

First of all we have to let go of Yesterday.  Our yesterdays are filled with many special memories and these wonderful memories we should celebrate and cherish, however, there are many things from our yesterdays which we need to let go of.  These are the mistakes, the resentments, the disappointments, the heartaches and the fears.  When we carry these with us into the future we become burdened with regret and anger.  We relive the pain and anxiety of the past and we are unable to appreciate the joy of the present moment.  No matter how much time we spend mulling over the past it cannot change a thing about it, but it can steal our joy.  We cannot grab hold of happiness as long as we are holding onto the past.

Secondly, we have to let go of fear.  Fear is a natural instinct to protect us from dangerous situations.  It is ingrained in our reptilian brain where our fight or flight response comes from.  When we are faced with real life threatening situations our natural fear response can save us from disaster.  However, today many of our fears are "socially transmitted" fears, fears that have been passed on to us by our ancestors or imagined fears.  Our fears are quite varied.  We could fear ridicule, rejection, failure, heartbreak or judgement.  Many of our fears stem from our past experiences and our fragile ego's.  Sometimes we are unaware of our own fears.  Therefore we need to take stock of ourselves and our situation and dig into the well where fear is lurking.  Write down what it is that you are afraid of.  The only way to rid ourselves of fear is to face the monster and to stare it down.  You will be surprised to find that it is not as big or as real as you imagined it to be.

Next you need to let go of the reasons why you cannot be happy.  These reasons or excuses are deeply settled in our own self-worth.  I used to believe that I have to do something good or extraordinarily great before I may allow myself to be happy.  I believed that happiness was for other people, not me.  Our own self-imposed rules limit our access to happiness.  The housewife who only allows herself a facial once all her chores are taken care of at the end of the week never gets to the spa, for when are our chores ever done.  The business woman rushing from meeting to meeting, secretly yearning to take an art retreat, believes that the business and everyone else's life is more important than her own happiness.  These are only excuses because secretly we believe that we do not deserve to be happy.

Then there is the Inner Critic.  Enemy number one of Happiness.  We can never take pleasure in a job well done as long as the Inner Critic stands in judgement over us.  As long as he rules our thoughts we are subjected to his harsh and ridiculous judgments.  The Inner Critic is not a friend and it is never on our side.  It is incapable of giving us unbiased feedback and its main purpose is to make us feel inadequate and small.  As long as we listen to our Inner Critic and allow it to stand on its soap box and spout negativity we will be unable to see or hear Happiness' welcoming call.

Lastly, we have to let go of other people's opinions.  Yes, they are entitled to their own opinions, but you are entitled to being yourself.  Their opinions are theirs and not yours.  You are a unique human being with your own unique way of doing things, thinking and abilities.  Make peace with the fact that not everybody is going to like you or approve of you.  So? The earth does not stop its rotation, life carries on. For every person who does not like you or approve of you or your way of doing things, there are at least two people who adore you, admire you and are happy to be guided by you.  What is of much more importance is being the best version of yourself.  It is much more important what we think of ourselves and the values we believe in.  

When we implement these five points in our lives and we learn to let go we discover that Happiness is already residing in our home, he has just been waiting for us to notice him and embrace him.  Go on then, let's be happy!

A final note: I have come across a book by Luminita D. Saviuc "15 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy".  It is available from Amazon and truly a worthwhile read.  You can also visit her blog at https://www.purposefairy.com .

Breathe In

Has it taken hold of you yet?  You know, that feeling of overwhelm, of suffocating and feeling frantic because you have so much to do?  Then you are not alone.  This time of the year most people suffer from exhaustion and overload.  We run around trying to get everything done, meeting deadlines and everybody is demanding their pound of flesh from us.  There seems to be a general air of frenzy around us.  The result is that we end up feeling drained and stressed to breaking point.  The good news is that there are some strategies we could implement to reduce the pressure.  Try to weave these twelve ideas into your daily routine and notice the difference they will make.

1. Get up ten minutes earlier.  Often when we are stressed out we believe that we need more sleep, however, getting up earlier seems to have an invigorating effect on early risers.  Those extra ten minutes can help us to feel in control of our time.  The quiet which comes with rising before the rest of the household helps us to feel refreshed and calm.  We are more ready to face the day and its demands.

2.  Put on some music and open the curtains and windows to let in the early morning light and fresh air.  Listening to your favourite music first thing in the morning increases our happiness level as it reduces the amount of cortisol released into our bodies.  Sunlight and fresh air both help to reduce feelings of depression and help to clear our lungs and minds and stimulate our senses.

3.  Most people love a fresh brewed cup of coffee in the morning, however, try to break the habit by drinking a cup of herbal tea first of all.  There are many benefits to drinking herbal teas.  They are full of anti-oxidants and give the immune system a boost.  They can aid in digestion and help to lower blood pressure and feelings of stress.

4. Make sure you have a healthy breakfast.  This is the most important meal of the day, however this is the one meal most adults skip and then wonder why they feel lethargic and binge on fast food come tea time.  A good breakfast helps us to concentrate better and energizes our bodies.  Those who eat breakfast regularly also tend to have faster metabolisms.

5.  De-clutter your thoughts.  A positive mindset is a sure way to beat stress.  When we teach ourselves to think positive thoughts our stress levels go down and we cope better with the demands we face every day.  Positive thinking boosts our confidence and improves our relationships with colleagues and friends.

6.  Take your ten minute tea break.  Get up, walk around and stretch your legs.  Taking a ten minute break will do more for your productivity than working for those ten minutes.  Studies have shown that it is a great mood booster and it refreshes the mind and body.  Creative thinking gets a boost as well and it helps a person to return to their work with fresh eyes and they are more open to new ideas.

7. Delegate.  Yes, you are the best at what you do, and yes, no one can do it as well as you, but to help relieve stress it is very important to learn to delegate.  It is impossible for one person to do everything.  Attempting to do it all put a person under tremendous stress and the end result is certain burn-out.  You become more efficient when you delegate tasks as this allows you to concentrate on those things that really need your attention. Delegating tasks also helps to develop the skills of co-workers and thus you become a more efficient group.

8.  Before you leave for home, spend five minutes de-cluttering your work-space, thus you will walk into the office the next day ready to tackle the tasks head-on.  Entering a tidy work area helps to reduce stress and increases work performance.

9.  Leave your work at work.  It is important that we have time to rest and recuperate.  We need to have time away from work, but when we take our work and its worries home with us we do not get the necessary time needed to refresh ourselves mentally or physically.  In the end our health and families pay the price.

10.  Exercise.  Go for a twenty minute walk, or cycle or session in the gym.  Exercise increases the blood flow through the body as well as the production of endorphins.  This has a direct influence on our mood.  Despite the physical effort exercise helps our muscles to relax as well as relieve any tension which we have built up through the day.  People who exercise regularly often sleep better and wake up feeling more relaxed and energized.

11.  Unplug!  In this digital world we are living in people get totally stressed out at the thought of losing their connection to cyber-space.  However, once you take the step to unplug yourself from technology on a regular basis you will be surprised by the benefits you will experience.  It is not necessary to disconnect totally, but rather implement a few rules regarding the use of technology and social media.  A good idea is to disconnect for at least an hour or two once you get home.  Use this time to connect with your family.  Enjoy an uninterrupted meal together and talk about each person's day.  Ban all electronic devices from the bedroom to ensure a good night's rest.  Proper sleep and healthy relationships go a long way in helping to reduce stress.

12.  Before retiring to bed spend fifteen minutes planning your next day.  Just jot down a few key points and goals for the next day.  This way all the thoughts rushing through your head about things you need to remember  has been put in writing.  You can now relax and enjoy a good night's rest.

I hope these ideas will help you to manage the end of the year stress better, breathe easier and help you have a little bit more time for yourself and your loved ones.

It's only money, Honey.

Yep, the picture says it all!  Today I want to put in my two cents worth about the Big Green Monster.  No, I am not talking about jealousy, I am talking about money!  Yes, those flimsy papery things that can have such a stranglehold on every person, the root of all evil, the stuff which makes the world go round and the things which cannot buy happiness.  We cannot escape it and we basically cannot live without it.  The need for it and the lack of it infiltrate every aspect of our lives daily.

Although we are made aware of the power of money and the role it plays in our lives from a very early age, not many children are taught how to handle money effectively and eventually we become slaves to it and we sometimes even sell our souls in the quest of having it.  The real conundrum I want to talk about is where do we draw the line in our pursuit of money.

It is an undeniable fact that in order to survive in the world we need money.  We need it to have adequate shelter, food and clothing.  We need it to provide for our families, for health care and education.  However a life spent solely in the pursuit of money and wealth finally ends up being a life empty of those things which money simply cannot buy.  Oh, yes, money can buy a grand house, but it cannot make it a home.  Money can buy company, but it cannot make it a family.  Money can buy food and exotic dishes, but it cannot give it heart.  What all are we willing to sacrifice for money?  Until we are there we cannot possibly know the answer to that. 

 However, I do believe that life is much more than a strong bank account.  Unfortunately money has a way to claim many victims.  One of his first victims is Passion.  Many artists, musicians and free spirits can testify to this.  Instead of following their dreams they have settled for passionless jobs and sensible careers.  They have promised themselves that once they have enough money they will pursue their frivolous desires to paint, to learn to play the saxophone or travel the world.  They view pursuing their passions as a reward for hard work instead of viewing their work as a way to do what their real passions are.  When will enough money be enough?

Another victim is Family.  Money whispers in our ears that we need to work long hours in order to provide in all the needs of our family.  Many holidays and school sport events fall by the wayside at the demand of work and ultimately that huge bonus. Sadly though our children don't stay small until we have made our millions, they do not put their need of attention on hold until I have been made executive of my company.

The next victim is myself.  Very often, in the pursuit of money, we disregards our own needs.  We neglect our health, our own personal growth and our spiritual needs.  When money cracks the whip we invariably sacrifice our own well-being.  We placate ourselves by promising ourselves a holiday, spa-treatment or leisure pursuit once the deadline has been reached, the project has been a success or I have gotten that promotion, only to put it off when the next deadline comes along.

The interesting fact is that very few people on their deathbeds wish that they had made more money.  Most people wish that they had spent more time with their family, that they had loved more or had done more with they time they had been given.

I leave you with this quote:

“Don’t work for money. work for happiness, work for peace, work for contentedness, work for your passion & money will work for you!” — Arvind Venkat

Connected

I love looking at kites flying high in the sky.  I remember the first kite I ever had was a butterfly kite my dad bought for me one beach holiday.  I loved it, although it was not a good flier.  I could not wait to hold the string all by myself, and begged my dad to let me try it on my own.  In my young mind I thought it would fly better if I were to let go of the string, but although it took off with a great "whoosh", it soon tumbled from the sky and got tangled in the undergrowth.  Painstakingly my dad untangled it and we tried again.

From a very young age we have been raised to do things for ourselves.  Almost from the moment our children are born we encourage them to become independent,  we are ecstatic when they start sitting up by themselves,  we applaud them when they can hold onto their own bottle and we are ready with the camera to record their first unaided, wobbly steps.  Day by day we marvel at how their independence grows.  Of course there is nothing wrong with that, it is the natural way of life.  However, the problem comes in when we become so independent, so self-sufficient, that we start believing  we need nobody else, we can do it all, we are an island.

This type of thinking will lead you on a bitter and lonely road.  "Needing people" is seen by fiercely independent people as a weakness.  They believe that they have to be a Superhero, strong, undefeatable, self-sufficient, powerful.  They never ask for help, never admit defeat and never open up to anybody.  They even experience God as an entity outside of their lives, remote from their lives. To accept and receive anything is foreign to their whole being.  Very often they not only distance themselves from other people, but they even distance themselves from their own feelings.

People need people.  We have to connect with others, learn from others, inspire others and in turn be inspired by them. Independence that is out of control is actually just a mask to hide behind.  Behind the mask often lurks fear, pride and low self-esteem.  It is a way to protect ourselves from disappointment, hurt or rejection.

Looking up at the sky, watching the kites ducking and diving in the breeze, I relate it to the way life is.  Although the kite is tethered by the string, it sails through the air and rides the wind with such freedom, such abandon that it leaves me breathless with excitement.  As my dad explained that day on the beach, it is the very fact that it is held by the string that it can fly so high and so gracefully.  The minute my little hands let go of the string, my kite's future was lost and all it could do was to tumble down and crash.  It needs that connection, that guiding hand to fly.  The same way we need to be connected to God, to interact with others as it is in that connection and that interaction that we find our true strength, new inspiration and freedom.  

I leave you with a quote from a song by Barbra Streisand : "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world!"

If you flutter by here and would like to share your thoughts  please feel free to do so.

Oh my Word!

I have said this before "I love words.  I love the way they feel in my mouth, on my tongue, the weight they carry.  The way they can be sweet, or heavy or sometimes just a gossamer whisper slipping over my lips." (Post "Words have Wings 02/02/2015)

It is the primary way of communication in a civilized world.  Words are thoughts expressed in sound patterns.  Ideas are brought to light through the words we speak.  Parents eagerly wait for their baby's first word, and note it down in the baby book.  It is a major achievement.  Most people love to talk and to converse with their friends, family and colleagues. Words tumble effortlessly from our lips.
However, the older I grow the more I start to value something else. More than words, I love the actions behind the words.
Words without the action to back them up are meaningless and useless.  They are like empty shells scattered on a beach.  They may be pretty to look at and beautiful to hear but they have no substance.  They are unable to change anything, they create nothing but expectations and their end result is nothing but disappointment.
When our words and actions are out of sync we gain the reputation of being at the very least a yaysayer and at worst a liar, and we lose any integrity we might have had.  Words tell people who we would like them to believe we are, but it will always be our actions which will show people who we really are.  It is our actions which gives form, substance, comfort and hope to our words.  Our actions give true meaning to words such as "I love you" and "I am sorry".  Spoken promises become reality through the actions which back them.
Let us be careful with our words, let us not waste them on idle chatter, senseless gossip and meaningless promises.  Let us be men and women of our word.

One Thing.

September is finally here.  I say finally, because in the Southern Hemisphere September is synonymous with Spring.  It is also the ninth month, meaning we are entering the third quarter of the year.  Incredible! I thought it is an appropriate time to take a little stock.  Remember that pesky little list?  Hmm, you do not remember, do you?  That list of new year resolutions you had made.  Those notes you had jotted down about things you would like to do this year.  Well, it is time to have a look at it.  How many of those things you had planned have you managed to do so far?  Lost weight?  Starting a fitness program?  Painting your kitchen or reading that self-help book?  Chances are, if you are anything like me and the majority of civilization, you may not have accomplished as much as you have set out to do.  Well, it is not necessary to hang your head in shame.  You are just human.  What I do want you to do is to give yourself ten out of ten if you had done just one of those things on your list.  Maybe you de-cluttered your desk, maybe you made contact with one long lost friend or you are drinking water more regularly.  Whatever it is, well done to you.  We are often so concerned with what we did not achieve that we forget about those things, however small, which we did manage to do.  Reward yourself for these.  When we focus on what we have achieved it energizes us to do more.  Now take your list and select the ONE thing you really would like to accomplish or start before the end of the year.  Write it down in big letters where you will be able to look at it everyday.  Do not be tempted to choose more than one thing on that list.  Focus on that one thing, set a date for the completion of it  and every week make sure you do one thing which will take you closer to your goal.  Remember it all starts with the first step forward.  Good luck to you.

Mom

It is Women's month and a perfect month to share with you my tribute to an amazing woman.

She was wonderful.  She had the look of Olivia de Havilland.  She drew looks wherever she went with her dark hair and perfectly set eyebrows above the bluest eyes you could imagine.  Yet it was never her beauty which lingered in your mind when she left, but her presence.  She walked upright and proud with grace and confidence.  From childhood she was taught to work hard and selflessly. Growing to womanhood during the forties and fifties she was often noted for her stylish clothes and was the envy of her peers.  She made all her own clothes in the style of the latest fashions, and despite working long hours and travelling by train to her work, she was always beautifully dressed.  Yet her hands told the story of a woman who knew what it meant to work hard.

 She put her children and family above her own needs and she was her husband's most adoring fan, raising her children to idolize him.  She was a romantic, yet very practical.  She had the voice of an angel and an unshakable faith, teaching her children how to believe.

She loved the sea, carnations and movies.  She loved chocolates and Turkish Delight.  Sundays were filled with the delicious flavours of  rich, delicious home-cooking.  She drove her car like a racing driver and walked through life with uncompromising principles.  But more than all these attributes it was her kindness which would be remembered by all who crossed paths with her.  It emanated from her like a welcoming fragrance, reassuring you that as long as she was there everything would always be okay.  Her smile was gentle, filled with joy and humility.

She was truly woman, unique and intriguing.  She was one-of-a-kind.  She is still that never-ending song that echoes through every day of my life.

...and I called her Mom.

This Moment

Its quite a chilly day in August.  Just when we thought winter was on its way out it turned back to give us another little pinch. Most of the people I know cannot wait for the winter to pass and I myself long for the warmer days, especially when I walk into my deep-freeze kitchen.  However, it is sad that in the process we do not appreciate the beauty which makes Winter a season to be treasured.

There is a serenity in a winter landscape.  Beautiful, bare trees are etched against crisp pale-blue skies and the sun is twinkling on frost covered lawns.  The sharp touch of the frosty air on my cheeks, white vapour escaping from my nostrils and my fingers tingling right to the fingertips invigorates my thoughts.

So often we are so focused on what comes next that the beauty of today, this moment, slips by us unnoticed.  Often we are wrapped up in the past with its pain and failures that we pay little attention to the present.  Even our worries about the future rob us of the simple pleasures to be found in this moment.  Every moment is a capsule of perfection and every breath a miracle.  We are surrounded by beauty.  Petals dancing in the wind, the dust motes floating in a beam of sunlight, the curl of a kitten's tail against your leg and the smell of freshly turned earth are all precious moments of beauty which pass by unnoticed in our rush to get to the next important thing.

Maybe the beauty of Winter is in the moments we linger just a little longer over a cup of coffee, savouring its heat, and noticing these glimpses of beauty that is best enjoyed at the very moment they are happening.  Maybe we should all take a deep breath, feel how it fills up our lungs and feel the warmth of it as it flows over our lips.  Just for a moment forget where you have to be in the next five minutes or what you have to cook for supper, just be present in the moment and observe, really see, where you are right now.  Do you feel the fabric of the chair you are sitting on, do you hear the hum of the florescent light and the heat of the fire warming the room?  Do you hear the laughter of your teenage daughter as she talks on the phone to her best friend or feel the warmth of your puppy snuggled against you?  Don't let the moment pass by unnoticed.  Be aware of it and treasure it.  Be alive right now and be blessed. 

She's a Woman

It's a brand new month and this month we celebrate women.  Whenever I think of the word "woman" certain thoughts and ideas spring to mind.  Many of these ideas are probably very stereotyped and most men and women will have similar thoughts about this word.  Since the late 1800's women have actively taken action to draw attention to the rights of women, and although women today enjoy the same rights and privileges as men, there are still many instances of unfairness.  Many women are still the victims of abuse and violence as well as discrimination.  I am, however not writing this to continue the debate of women's rights, but rather to highlight the wonder of being a woman.  Although society has come a long way, quite often women still have to compromise their wonderful qualities in order to prove themselves in a male dominated world.

Here are six of the many qualities women possess which make them simply amazing.

First of all, women have natural nurturing qualities.  They give easily of themselves and reach out to people in need.  Women are known for their kindness.  However one would be mistaken to view this quality as weakness.  Women never respond kindly to being taken advantage of.

Women are great motivators.  They instinctively understand how to encourage and inspire those they interact with.  This quality enables people to give their best in any given area.  When people are inspired they work together for the greater good of the project.

Although women are often spoken about as the weaker sex, women possess great internal strength as well as courage..  Women's intellect combined with their bravery helps them to take calculated risks.

 Through the ages women have had to face difficult challenges.  They have had to fight for their rights.  When the men had gone off to war it was up to the women to face the hardships at home and take care of the families, the farms and to make sure there was something for the men to return to.  Women have learned to both persevere and adapt.

Relationships are the web connecting individuals.  Women understand the importance of healthy interpersonal relationships and are often the ones keeping families together.  They will make every effort to mend broken relationships both on the home front and in the workplace.

Women are not afraid of their feelings.  They are often more in touch with their emotions and thus are able to provide comfort and bestow kindness to those around them.

It is wonderful to be a woman.  Don't be shy to celebrate your "woman-ness".  Revel in the beauty of being a woman.  We have the best of both worlds.  We are soft and kind, yet powerful.  We are dreamers and achievers.  We can be anything we dream of being, there are no longer limits to what we may or may not do. 

Have a wonderful Women's Month.