Face the Sun

This morning is beautiful.  Blue skies and a mellow sun.  The birds are happily twittering.  In a month known for its miserably windy days, nothing stirs the air.  It is hard to believe that we are still in the winter season.  The last couple of weeks of Winter in fact.

Yes, it is a beautiful morning.  It is important to say it.  To remind ourselves to see the beauty around us.  The world we live in is often too ready to remind us about everything that is NOT beautiful.  We are besieged by stories of evil and hardship and news reels broadcasting the horrors of wars and murders.  Pessimists flourish around us and it is difficult not to get sucked in by all the negativity surrounding us.  I think it is time to actively turn our faces to the sun, to look for the light and the beauty in everything.  Time for the Optimists among us to stand up and make a difference.

Long ago somebody explained to me that Optimists are the children of the world and Pessimists are the adults.  Of course, it is not quite as simple as that, but if it were true, I'd choose to be a child!  What is an Optimist?  I had a look at the letters that make up the word "Optimist", and here is what I came up with:

• O - Opportunities:     Optimists see opportunities where others see stumbling blocks and difficulties.  They assess the situation and the facts and actively look for ways to come up with a better solution.  They are ready to take on the challenge.  Through this they also encourage others to look for another solution.
• P - Possibilities:         An optimist is always open to possibilities.  They seldom look at an object or an idea just for what it is at first glance, they look beyond and see the potential behind it. They either have a plan or they make a plan.  They are willing to take risks.
• T - Thankful:            They live lives of gratitude.  They count their blessings and give thanks.  They never let a chance pass them by to express their thankfulness.  Their attitude of gratefulness helps them to embrace what life has to offer and to make the most out of it.
• I - Imaginative:          Optimists are visionaries.  They can envision success.  They have the ability to imagine a better outcome and they will be innovative in their planning to achieve success.  Optimists rarely give up.  Mankind would never have set foot on the moon if it were not for an optimist or two who believed it could be done.
• M - Motivation:         They have the ability to motivate, not only themselves, but others as well.  Their enthusiasm and energy encourage those around them.  
• I - Infinite:                 An optimist looks at life and the world and sees infinite opportunities and possibilities.  He believes in the infinite goodness of mankind.  An optimist sees the horizon, but believes there is even more beyond that point.  He believes that if one path does not lead to success there are many others that will lead him there.
• S - Self-confidence:   Optimists believe in their own abilities and they have a good self-esteem.  They are aware of their strong points and use them to their advantage while at the same time understanding their shortcomings without getting hung up on them.
• T - Team players:       Every team needs an optimist, because they are team players.  They love sharing their "Joie de Vivre" with others.  They enjoy encouraging and motivating those around  them. They are in their element when they can help in finding a solution to a seemingly impossible problem, or a way to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

Optimists are hopeful and cheerful individuals.  Their smiles come easily and sincerely.  Most of us envy their easy and relaxed attitude to life.  Studies have shown that optimists are generally healthier than their less optimistic counterparts.  Are you an optimist?  Would you like to be one?  Unfortunately, there is not a switch in our brains which we can flip to turn on the Optimistic Power Supply.  Most optimists are naturally that way, but there is hope for the rest of us.  It CAN be learned.  We can change our perspective.  We can either turn our backs to the sun, or we can face the sun, and let its warmth and beauty light our world.

Here are 5 Steps to a More Optimistic YOU:

1. Practise Gratefulness
2. Smile
3. Change your vocabulary: cannot becomes CAN!
4. There is ALWAYS a way. We ALWAYS have a choice.
5. Find and focus on the positive around you, in you and about you.

Welcome...

I am sure that by now you will all agree with me that butterflies are simply exquisite. It is interesting that we usually find butterflies amongst equally beautiful flowers.  In fact, it is safe to say that where there are flowers we will find butterflies nearby.  Butterflies need flowers and fruit to provide nourishment and water for them.  Flowers and plants also provide shelter and a safe home for them in order to lay their eggs.

Butterflies are especially attracted to flowers with a strong scent as this tells them that they will find the sweetest nectar there.  They also prefer flowers with soft petals protected from the wind to land on rather than plants with spikes.  Butterflies are fragile and therefore they choose their environment carefully.

We as humans are very much the same.  We also search out safe havens for ourselves and surround ourselves with beauty.  We look for nourishment, not only for our bodies, but our souls as well.  We need a shelter that can protect us against the storms of life.  Most of us crave "la Dulce vita" - the sweet life.  We yearn for a place of acceptance and loving care, a place where we can simply be.

My question today is this: am I such a place for my loved ones, my friends, the people who cross my path?  Do I give them a safe place to fall, a haven from the storm?  Am I that sweet smelling flower calling them home or do I have sharp spiky words that cut through their souls, tearing them apart?  Do I provide them with nourishment or do I poison them with criticism and negativity?  Am I a gentle green meadow with a softly flowing river where weary travelers can find a moment's rest?  Or am I a cactus, prickly and quick to be hurtful?

In this harsh, rat-racing world, we need to provide a place of  peace, not only for the people we love, but also for the battered and bruised butterflies that flutter through our lives. People are irresistibly drawn to those who exude beauty, kindness and a sweet fragrance.  Unfortunately, it often is in such short supply.  It is sad that many people find it far easier to give a sarcastic or snappy answer instead of words of healing or encouragement.  What a truly wonderful world this would be if we could rather be each others' welcoming shelters, a place where the welcome mat is always out...   

Shattered Reflections

Some time ago a friend of mine came to visit.  It has been a few months that we have not seen each other.  I knew that she has had some difficulties to work through.  She looked very beautiful, yet I could see that behind her quick smile, the tears were hiding.  After exchanging the usual pleasantries, and catching up with our children's latest capers, a silence settled on us.  Then the dam wall burst.  The sadness poured from her, and she confessed that she felt so broken.  Despite trying to put what happened behind her, and making every effort to forgive and forget, it felt to her as if she was fighting a losing battle.  She told me that she felt as if she would never again be the same person she was before it all happened.

I am sure that as you read this, you can identify with these feelings.  I certainly can.  Most of us have experienced painful situations at some time in our lives.  Events which shook our foundations and left us heartbroken.  Things that wrapped us in a heavy cloak of despair, leaving us bewildered and desperate.
Feelings of worthlessness threatened to rob us of our identity and our confidence.  Depression, self-loathing  and anxiety take up residence in our thoughts.  Denial, anger and feelings of hopelessness all vie for equal rights to our emotions.  Our feelings become our new reality.

The one thing my friend remarked on  though, is very true.  She will never again be the same person she was before it all happened.  None of us, having gone through some or other trauma, is ever the same person again.  You see, we are like a mirror.  When a mirror falls, it gets chipped, or it shatters.  It would seem as if it is the end of the road for that mirror.  The pieces are scattered everywhere.  Most people will sweep the shards together and throw them away, but a few of us will see the potential lying at our feet.  We will carefully gather the pieces, because we know that, with time, care and a bit of glue, something beautiful can be born from the shattered mirror.  Yes, it will never be the same again.  The spaces in between each carefully placed piece will always tell a story of  pain and hardship.  The once smooth surface will now reflect a multitude of  different angles and images.  In the hands of a craftsman the broken pieces are reformed into something of even greater value than before.  Each fracture is forming a part of a new masterpiece.

It is in this that we find a miracle.  God, the Master Craftsman, takes the broken pieces of our lives and makes something beautiful from them.  Something better than we could ever imagine or even hope for.  He finds a place for even the smallest fragment, and over time, when we take a step back from the pain and sadness, His perfect plan for our lives falls into place.

A mosaic of surprising beauty.

Through The Window

Life is fragile.  We hold on to it for dear life, yet in the blink of an eye it is ripped from our grasp.  We take it for granted, yet it never really belongs to us.  This weekend I have once again realized  how transient it is.  A beautiful young man, vibrant and energetic, alive with laughter and mischief, touching lives around him with his faith and enthusiasm, alive the one moment, then gone...

It is crazy how life and death is so interlinked and entwined.  How life and death walk alongside one another.  I have always been fascinated by how a baby is wrapped up in his mother's womb, yet it is only the moment at birth that he truly comes into existence.  Suddenly he is a living, breathing entity.  His date of birth is registered and celebrated.  It is inscribed with a day, a month and a year.  Suddenly he becomes the center of attention, decisions are made around him.  His cries mobilize people, and his laughter lifts their spirits.  His gurgles and chuckles fill the room.  Yet, at the very moment of his birth, there are others who leave this world.  They have finished with the dash that separates their date of birth from the new date inscribed  on the stone.  It is as if there is a window through which the one soul slips into this world and another soul slips out.  

I think that Death is the most difficult reality we as humans have to deal with.  Most of us do not even want to whisper the word.  Most of us fear it.  Yet it is as present as Life itself is.  The membrane separating it is very delicate.  Fortunately, we are mostly not aware of how close it is, for if we were, death would become the thief of life, it would rob us of our joy, our hopes and our dreams.  We would live in its shadow and we would miss out on the sunlight with which Life fills our days.

The wonderful news is that we have a powerful weapon against Death.  The best way to live in victory over Death is to live everyday to the fullest, to grab hold of each day and squeeze every drop of living from it, to say at the end of the day that we have truly lived our dash.  Our dash is God's gift to us, but what we do with it, is our gift to God.  By a miracle we have all found our way through the window into this life, a room filled with all life has to offer - love, joy, companionship and opportunities to name just a few.  It is ours to explore and to enjoy, to share with others and to guide and help others through it, but someday we will all pass through the window again to where a new world awaits, there where our spirits will soar freely.  Sometimes those we love will pass through the window before us, and we will be so terribly sad.  Yet, when we believe they have not died, but have simply slipped through to the other side of the window, just maybe we can bear it a tiny bit better.  Maybe through our tears, we can see the rainbow spanning the valley where they now soar, where we too hope to be one day.

"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. "
2 Corinthians 5:1 New International Version

The Cost of Good Manners

While out for my daily jog, I started thinking about eating (this, of course, is a recurring theme while I am running, thinking about how much I am going to enjoy that chocolate when I get back to the house!).  Any case, I was thinking about eating and how eating is best done in company.  It is very much a social activity.  A simple cup of coffee becomes an occassion when enjoyed in the company of good friends or family.

 It is interesting how the act of eating instigates conversations about food.  We share thoughts about favourite foods and recipes we have tried or still want to try.  We exchange information about good restaurants, food choices, etc.  We reminisce about our favourite childhood foods or sweets.  My husband often tells our children about the chocolates he loved way back when, and what all he would be able to buy with half  a crown.  My mom loved Turkish Delight. A few weeks ago I bought a friend of mine a Turkish Delight bar, and although it was still in the same type of wrapper, I found, much to my dismay, that it was half the size it used to be.  I started noticing how many of the well known chocolates have indeed shrunk in size and even the quality is not as it used to be.  

However, we are, mostly, not aware of this.  It usually happens so gradually, that by the time we do start to notice that something is amiss, we feel uncertain whether or not it is our imagination.  The reason why sweets and chocolates become less, while the prices increase, is simply economics.  Instead of just putting the price up, they also cut back on the cost of manufacturing by reducing the size .  It is a gradual erosion of quality and value.  It is not something that is announced or which we are made aware of in some or other way, it just quietly happens.  We accept it, no questions asked.

In much the same way, this erosion of quality and value happens in every other aspect of our lives as well.  Just take good manners, for instance.  Good manners these days are quite a rarity and people equate good manners with being old fashioned.  The youth of today scoff at manners and etiquette.  They deem it "uncool".  Reprimanding your children for throwing tantrums and insisting that they be courteous is frowned upon, even considered to be interfering with their "human rights".  
A young man opening the car door for his girlfriend is virtually extinct, as is pulling out a chair for her at the restaurant.  The etiquette of courtship is as dead as the dodo, people no longer want to go through all that  "rigmarole" in today's world of instant gratification.  The use of foul language is no longer the dubious privilege of the sailors, but men and women alike, seem to be unable to join two words together without the use of a horrible word or more.  And we all just go with this flow.  We accept this gradual decline and loss of good manners.  
Yet, the lack of good manners comes at a price.  It leads to the loss of respect.  First of all, respect for ourselves and secondly respect for others.  We do as we please, whatever we please, with little regard for others.  Our lack of good manners also impacts negatively on us.  It affects the way people perceive us.  It can make all the difference in a job interview, or when meeting somebody for the first time. Although we have become used to the shortage of good manners, we still hope for it and when we encounter it, the person displaying good manners, stands out from the crowd.  He or she grabs our attention immediately and we are drawn to such a person.
A  friend of mine, Michelle, calls herself very old fashioned, as good manners and common courtesies are still very important to her.  She makes no secret of it and does not apologize for it.  She has put her foot down and expect others to treat her with respect.  Maybe it is time that we join her in this.   It starts, first of all with us.  We have to set the example in our own homes.  It is up to us to teach our children from the earliest opportunity what good manners are.  Believe me, people will take note of them, and even if they were to be teased by their friends, it will be to their advantage all of their lives.  After all, good manners cost nothing, all it asks is for a little consideration.

I leave you with this quote by Clarence Thomas:
"Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot."

Heart of a Lion

The first of August.  How this year just flew past!  According to the Zodiac, August is the month of the lion.  As I lay cuddling with my husband for a few extra minutes this morning, I pondered this magnificent animal.  Lions are strong and very powerful.  They are known as the king of the animal kingdom.  Lions are proud and have an air of royalty about them.  Most people are filled with awe when they observe these extraordinary beasts.  Yet, we are intensely aware of the danger they pose to us and other creatures.  Lions are extremely aggressive and possessive.  Even when satiated, they can kill swiftly when they feel threatened. They rule their territory with absolute authority.  Instinctively, the other animals know this, and avoid crossing paths with this huge kitty-cat.  

Often, we as humans, exhibit the spirit of a lion - aggressive, ready to fight and devour those around us.  We are intolerant and unforgiving.  Our anger can be fierce and with devastating results.  We are usually unable to be strong and powerful, yet tempered with kindness.  Being meek and mild is often misconstrued as weakness and therefore we feel it is a trait not to be cultivated.  At no cost must we appear weak.  However, in our lives, the spirit of the lion can wreak havoc on relationships, our work environment and social encounters.  We scratch, bite and hunt down whoever offends us, we rip them apart, often mortally wounding them emotionally.  Those who suffer are usually those who dared come the closest to us.  

The sad news is, that as long as we walk around like angry lions, there can be no peace.  To have peace in our lives, the wildness of the lion within us needs to be tamed.  We need to surrender our fighting spirit and our pride, and we have to stop devouring each other.  We have to learn tolerance.  We have to reach out to others with a gentle spirit.  Within each of us there is the spirit of a roaring lion and a gentle dove.  It comes down once again to choices.  Which is the spirit which we allow to rule?  There is a quote I love, unfortunately I do not know who said it, but I would like to share it with you:

"Only A Fool Mistakes Kindness For Weakness. 

There Is A Heart Of A Lion Within The Spirit Of A Lamb. 

Grace Is Selfless Strength."

When we learn to control our tempers, our reactions, and put ourselves under the control of the Lord, the scripture we read about in Isaiah will come true in our own lives.  The wolf will lie down with the lamb and the lion with the calf and the yearling.  Our lives will be lived in harmony beyond others' understanding.

           Isaiah 11:6 (NIV)

"The wolf will live with the lamb,

    the leopard will lie down with the goat,

the calf and the lion and the [yearlinga] together;

    and a little child will lead them."

What Do You See?

We all know that Life is a gift.
A gift is something we receive with no price tag attached and we receive it undeservedly.  It is given voluntarily with no exchange required.  Small or big, it is precious, valued because of the intent behind it.  It is to be treasured.  Life is to be treasured.
Yet, to me, life is much more than a gift.  A gift normally implies that I do not have a choice in the matter, as most of us do not go around telling people what to give to us.  We have very little control over what the gift is that we unwrap.  Of course, that is part of the excitement when we receive a gift - the anticipation of something wonderful.  The thing with gifts are that we all have certain expectations when we receive a gift.  Secretly we hope that it will be the exact thing we have been hoping for, that little something we would like to buy for ourselves, but never have the money for.  So, even as adults, we are filled with a sense of wonder as we unwrap the prettily decorated gift and open it up.
However, sometimes our expectations are not met.  We might already have a bottle opener, or the thought of putting on a pair of neon green socks, is just too much to get excited about. Sometimes Life is like that.  It is not what we expected it to be.  Therefore, to view Life merely as a gift, however wonderful, implies that we do not have much of a choice in the matter.  People tend to think that this is the hand Life dealt me and they must sit back and take it.  However, Life is so much more than a gift.  Life is a choice.  The gift of Life is a choice.
Let's for a moment take a look at those neon socks which you unwrapped.  Maybe your first reaction to their intense colour is one of shock and dismay, and after your initial effort of keeping a look of genuine pleasure on your face whilst exclaiming about the joys of neon coloured socks, you secretly plan to throw them into the nearest rubbish bin.  But wait a minute, before you do that, take a look at the choices this gift presents to you.  You can throw them away or you could celebrate the fact that with their vivid colour, you will definitely be visible when running at night.  You could also use them as mittens and know exactly where your hands are when you try to drink something during power shedding when the moon is low on wattage too.  You could use them for funky dusters, or you can pass them on to somebody else as a gift and enjoy their reaction as they unwrap these delightful socks.  Of course, you could also have them framed and have them as a conversation starter above your fireplace.  So many choices.  It is all a matter of vision.  It is not WHAT we are given, but HOW we look at what we are given.  What can I learn from this gift?  What is the message behind it?  It is not the gift that is bad, but it is our perception which makes it good or bad.
I remember how we as children would take the discarded cellophane wrappers of the chocolates and look through them.  Some of the wrappers were pink, others green or orange.  I loved the purple ones.  I loved how everything would take on the colour of the wrapper I was looking through.  It is the same with the gift of Life.  How we perceive Life depends on through what colour glasses we view it.  Do I see the good or the bad?  Do I see a worm or do I see the potential of the caterpillar?  Do I see the beauty of the butterfly?
When we stop looking at Life with tunnel vision it is amazing to find how Life unfolds into a world of amazing opportunities and wonder. When we widen our vision, we open ourselves up to be surprised.  We open ourselves up to the full spectrum of Life's rainbow.
So, how about it?  What will you see today? With what colour glasses will you view your gift today?

Pro...what???

In my previous post I spoke about the obstacles we all encounter at times in our lives.  Today I want to continue with the topic.  A lot of the obstacles we get along our journey are ones created by factors outside of our control.  However, some obstacles are created by our own doing.  One of the biggest self-made obstacles is called Procrastination.  It can start off as a little cuddly animal, but before long it can become a massive elephant in our lives.

According to the Etymology Dictionary procrastination comes from Latin procrastinationem (nominative procrastinatio) "a putting off from day to day," noun of action from past participle stem of procrastinare "put off till tomorrow, defer, delay," from pro- "forward" (see pro-) + crastinus "belonging to tomorrow," from cras "tomorrow," of unknown origin.

Many people view procrastinators merely as lazy people.  And while some procrastinators may appear lazy, the truth of it is not as simple as that.  We think that we can "cure" a procrastinator simply by telling him to stop wasting time and to start doing something.  Unfortunately, that is as likely to be successful as telling a smoker to stop smoking.  It is estimated that 20 % or more of the population are chronic procrastinators.  Most people view procrastinators as irritating, but few take it seriously, yet procrastination can have serious consequences for both the procrastinator and those around him.  Many people are hindered in their careers and relationships by their procrastinating habits.

Here are just a few reasons why people procrastinate:

* They lack commitment to the task or goal.
They would like to do it, but they are not committed enough to put their every effort into it.  Their desire to achieve it is not strong enough to pursue it.  They lack the drive to chase the dream and are therefore easily distracted.

* Fear.
Often people fear that if they were to try, they might fail.  They feel safer not to try than to try and fail.  They fear that failure will only prove to themselves, and others, how useless they are.  They feel vulnerable.  Sometimes they fear success.  Being successful means having to live up to others' expectations of them, and they fear that it would be too daunting for them. 

* Leaving the comfort zone.
All procrastinators like their comfort.  They love The Zone.  They love dreaming ABOUT doing something.  They even love planning HOW to do something.  They gather all the information about where, what and how, but they do not like leaving their comfort zone.  Leaving the Zone takes effort, it means having TO DO something, and that often goes hand in hand with some form of discomfort, even some pain.

* They lack knowledge.
Procrastinators feel inadequate.  They are unsure of how or where to start a daunting task.  They have little or no knowledge about the task at hand.  They feel overwhelmed by the whole process.  They put off getting started and the result is that the elephant grows larger and larger which leads to further procrastination.  It becomes a vicious cycle.

* They have no desire to achieve the goal or tackle the task at hand.
People who have no, or very little interest in a certain job, will not be very motivated to take it on.  Often people find themselves having to live up to other people's ideas of what they should do, but they themselves have no interest in doing it.  They will use any excuse as motivation not to do it. 

Does any of this sound familiar?  Do you recognize your own behaviour? What is your reason for procrastinating?  More importantly: Do you want to break the habit of procrastination in your life?  Then I strongly recommend reading this excellent post by Tim Urban:
http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html

WARNING: I know what you are thinking - "I'll do it later."  I urge you to DO IT NOW.  Follow the link.  Get ready to take control of your life.

A few notes before you go: 
Get up - NOW!
Get ready - NOW!
Stop making excuses - NOW!
Do what you have been putting off - NOW!
Do it every day, even if it is just one step a day, but DO IT!

I say Good Night with this quote by  Mr. Brown :
“The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today.” 
― H. Jackson Brown Jr., P.S. I Love You

Not Ever!!!

We are all familiar with them.  We have all encountered them on our journey.  Obstacles.  Roadblocks.  Here we are, happily going on our way.  We have carefully made our plans, and we are filled with so much enthusiasm and excitement, but suddenly we are faced with so many obstacles, that our best laid plans are completely derailed.  We are so overwhelmed by the problems facing us that we find ourselves drained of energy and we feel like giving up.  The obstacles seem insurmountable. Every way we turn, we encounter a problem or negativity.  Our plans seem doomed for failure.  Yet, although it seems as if giving up is the only answer, the real truth is actually that we always, ALWAYS have a choice.

We can choose to give up, we can choose to listen to the naysayers, we can choose to surrender our dreams and plans.  We can choose to use the problems and obstacles as a very good excuse to give up.  Or we can choose to take a fresh look at the obstacles presented to us.

Yes, obstacles can stop us in our tracks, they can bar the way.  However, my brother taught me that obstacles are merely stepping stones on the way to the future.  Obstacles are very useful building blocks for our journey.  He taught me that they are there to teach us perseverance and creative thinking.  They strengthen us.

Firstly, whenever we are faced with obstacles, it is important to NEVER GIVE UP!!!  Never surrender your dreams.  Instead, change your attitude from feeling defeated into one of defiance.  There is always a way.

When we are faced with obstacles, it is very important to take a good look at them and to evaluate them.  What is this problem trying to tell you?  What is it trying to teach you or warn you about?  Look at all the options and then think about all the possible solutions for it.  Think creatively.  Maybe it is necessary to approach it from a different angle, maybe view it from a different perspective.

I want to say it again: NEVER GIVE UP!  Never use the stumbling block as an excuse to give up, use it as a stepping stone to where you want to be.  Very often we give up when we encounter a problem, not necessarily because the problem is so big, but because we are actually afraid. We are afraid of change, and we are deathly afraid of failure.  We use the problem as an excuse in order to avoid facing the real issue: fear.  To be successful means to relinquish our fears and to take action.  Yes, often success means we have to change.  We have to change the way we normally do things, we have to change the way we live and maybe even where we live.  Once we understand that change is inevitable, we will be ready for the next step.  Fear of failure is a strong demotivator, yet the only failure lies in not trying in the first place.

Another obstacle we sometimes encounter is our own feelings of inadequacies and unworthiness.  We feel ill equipped to pursue our dreams and execute our plans.  We believe we are unworthy of success and we sabotage ourselves.  We demand absolute perfection from ourselves and when we cannot deliver, we consider ourselves unworthy.  This leads to disillusion and feelings of depression.

When we are faced with obstacles, it is important to keep calm and stay positive.  Keep it simple and focus on the actual problem and not the imagined complications.  Be sure in the knowledge that there is always a way to solve it, it is just a matter of finding it.  Have faith and take action.  Sometimes we are surprised that we not only find a way to climb past the road blocks, but we actually discover we have wings to fly right over them.

I leave you with these three words:

NEVER GIVE UP!!!